Suddenly: Surprise Swordfish!

You know how sometimes, you’re flipping through the photos of a listing, checking out the living room, kitchen, and bedrooms… Everything is normal enough, but then just as you reach the last photo and…

778 12th Ave., San Francisco, CA 94118

BOOM! Surprise swordfish!

Okay so the up-close shot of the light is a bit odd too.

778 12th Ave., San Francisco, CA 94118

And um… I guess they’re really proud of their soap presentation or something.

778 12th Ave., San Francisco, CA 94118

But the real highlight of this one is definitely the swordfish.

About the Author

Marty E.

Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

14 Comments on "Suddenly: Surprise Swordfish!"

  1. Well, it took me a while – this is a marvelously preserved and burnished property, by the way – but I finally realized that the fish must be hanging next to the front entry, not pictured. The pristine siding it’s hanging against is otherwise a good match for that shown on the exterior of the backyard. This made me wonder why there was no picture of the front entry, per se. You know, curbside?

    A moment with googlemaps answered that question – I’ll have to assume the sailfish is inside the garage, which apparently only parks one car; I’m betting that of the downstairs owner. In exchange for your downstairs office, I’m guessing you get to park nose-to-garage-door outside, like the fellow shown on google. Whoops!

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  2. Flipping through listing photos…. “Nice, nice, nice, ‘kay… little bland, could use some more color…” BLAM! Suddenly Turquoise blue, fluted eggs! (Pics 14-16) Well, OK, then. A *bit* of color. Flipping, flipping… Whoa, more color… Warm wood tones on gorgeous cabinetry in the… basement? Laundry room? (Pics 24 & 25) And of course, finishing off with the aforementioned Sword Fish! Hmm… could that possibly be a clue that there’s a speak-easy hidden in the basement? ;)

    Other than an amazingly bland color scheme (though thankfully not entirely neutral-filled), this place is suh-weet. Nice layout, lovely hardwood floors, luxurious white marble (natural? not cultured?!), and – HEY! – the flat screen with surround sound conveys!!! (For almost $1mil it ought to.) The place is small enough I can see not going too far overboard with lots of bright colors or loud patterns, but the current set-up just feels so… un-enriching to me. But that’s me, I suppose.

    A few other specific points… That oval crib is awesome, just awesome. Besides being beautiful to look at, it seems to have a gate-style door, perhaps an alternative to the dangers of the recently phased out drop down doors. Also, can anyone figure out where the tiny corner sink (also a close up photo) is located? Both bathroom sinks are shown, and this isn’t one of them. I know kitchens sometimes have an extra small task sink but I don’t see anyplace for it in there, either. I’m also curious about the mention of “quartz” counter tops in the kitchen. Quartz is a crystal, so how do you make counter tops out of it? Do they perhaps mean quartz-filled granite? Finally, I love the pocket office with all the, well… pockets… on the wall. Great use of space but it doesn’t feel cramped or cut-off at all.

    Nice place. And I LOVE the sword fish! :D

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  3. @anodean: Do you mean to tell me that a listing agent tried to make a place sound better than it really is? I am hurt… hurt and *shocked* that anyone would do so!!! :P

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  4. Well, I have to admit I really was fascinated by this one – did you catch that it has “1.75 baths” with “1.5 baths on main level?” I reckon that leaves a “.25 bath” in the first-floor office, to wit, that dainty little corner sink, suitable for filling the coffee-maker and, perhaps, emergency relief…

    …and seriously, it’s a sailfish, guys…big, showy top fin, favorite of the fiberglass-fishing-trip-souvenir set because they’re so gaudy. And presumably not very good to eat, since one only ever seems to encounter them on walls…

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  5. @anodean: I checked out Google Image search and, by George, you’re right – that’s a sailfish! Well, there goes my speak-easy reference, darn it.

    And no, I hadn’t caught the “1.5 baths on main level” notation. That could definitely explain the corner sink, but it seemed to me the pocket office was on the “main level,” that is the one with the living and dining rooms and kitchen. I think the whole place is on one level, with just the laundry and larger officey type space on the ground level. I can’t imagine they’d have the big bathrooms downstairs from everything else, but having that dinky sink down there would also be weird, given there’s supposed to be laundry facilities there.

    Given that this agent seems to have no problem coloring the truth (Oh, so *that’s* where all the color that should’ve been in this place went!), I doubt we’ll ever know for sure, not without seeking a tour, which also will likely never happen since none of us (I assume) could qualify for the price tag. Considering this week’s national news, I’m totally OK with the mystery being my only life complication at the moment.

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  6. @Emerald63: Well, the property offered was the upstairs domicile – with the much discussed “bonus office” described as having been robbed from the first floor. I reckon the staircase shown just before that office must also let the lucky upstairs person use the front door – where one suspects his car is parked on the sidewalk. There do seem to be three floors, so what we are shown may actually be the *third* floor, with the other unit occupying the second floor and perhaps also enjoying a first floor “bonus” of it’s own. The shared laundry, stairway outlets, front foyer, garage, and back doors would then round out the first floor..,

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  7. Come to think of it, third floor would sort of explain that fancy curved ceiling effect, eh?

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  8. Denita TwoDragons | April 22, 2013 at 9:33 AM |

    Please tell me I’m not the only one who wants to put a flag with the word “BANG!” on it in bright letters coming out of the swordfish’s mouth…? I am? Ehn, nevermind.

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  9. @Denita TwoDragons: Silly girl, that would be for a gunfish, not a swordfish….

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  10. @Emerald63: I always kinda like the Addams Family’s foot with a sneaker on it…

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  11. Denita TwoDragons | April 23, 2013 at 10:55 AM |

    @Emerald63: …never take a swordfish to a gunfish fight?

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  12. @Denita TwoDragons: LOL!!! I can jusht hear Sean Connery shaying that in The Untouchablesh…..

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  13. @anodean: What, to stick out the swordfish/salifish’s mouth? Yeah, that *would* be good. ;)

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  14. How on earth could that sailfish have been listed on “Redfin”??

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