NO DOGS ALLOWED (Zebras Only!)

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

These dogs wish they could get in, but unless they can find themselves some zebra disguises, they’re apparently going to be out of luck.

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

The individual who is selling attempting to sell this home really, really likes zebra print.

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

I mean, a lot. Also, what’s with the second toilet? why the bidet (relatively rare in American homes)? Did they just need another surface to put more zebra print on?

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Zebra print stairs?!? That’s taking it to an entirely new level.

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Place mats, cabinets, furniture, accessories… and a small statue of some kind of zebra-giraffe hybrid thrown in there for good measure.

9903 Kip Dr., Beverly Hills, CA 90210

Okay that last one doesn’t have any zebra print (incredibly), but I thought I’d bring it full circle with another pair of wistful dogs.

Found by: Ben F.

About the Author

Marty E.

Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

13 Comments on "NO DOGS ALLOWED (Zebras Only!)"

  1. The “second toilet” is probably a bidet.

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  2. I’m thinking all those zebra print articles might have some special properties, e.g. that the stuff somehow, some way… doesn’t show dog hair. Maybe because it’s magic zebra print, which would explain why they had to be really careful to keep the dogs out while they took the pictures: they’d have got in trouble if we saw the stuff actually disappearing…

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  3. @Steve: You’re probably right. The only bidets I’ve seen in America were built into the toilet so I was thrown off by seeing a separate unit next to the toilet like that.

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  4. @Steve: I thought it was for washing one’s boots, a la Mick Dundee.

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  5. There’s even more Zebra prints than weird, skinny-top, fat-bottomed, naked-people statues. I’m not sure I’d want a house, though, where my every move would be gawked at by the local pack of dogs. Imagine trying to keep the slobber prints off the glass doors.

    Actually, what I imagine as I look at these is the actress hostess coming out and flamboyantly saying, “Dahling, come on in. Don’t mind my little booby-wushkins and all his little puppy-dog friends.The Zebra skins? These were imported from my friends in Africa only last week. Don’t you simply love them?”

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  6. Denita TwoDragons | July 23, 2013 at 1:10 PM |

    *Said in Attenborough voice* “…here we see a herd of Urban Zebra Land Cuttlefish in their native habitat, using stripes to confuse its chief predator; the Interior Designosaur. They use a combination of extreme immobility and flexibility to imitate common human furniture, so much so that even most humans are lured into a false sense of security. Thus they maintain a symbiotic relationship with humans and can feed safely on their main food source, the Lone Dryer-Sock.”

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  7. Denita TwoDragons | July 23, 2013 at 1:11 PM |

    Attenborough continues, “…This herd, however, is under threat from a pack of Wild Fluffy Cuddledoggies, who are merely waiting for the right moment to strike. Namely, for some unwitting human to open the door under the pretense of giving them walkies.”

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  8. @Denita TwoDragons: Brilliantly hilarious!

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  9. Emerald63 | July 23, 2013 at 2:14 PM |

    @Frodo: Not to worry, Frodo. There’s a strong chance the dogs do not convey.

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  10. Emerald63 | July 23, 2013 at 2:16 PM |

    @Frodo: Agreed! One wonders if Sir David realizes the vast number of amusing satires his famous nature shows have engendered.

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  11. Emerald63 | July 23, 2013 at 2:35 PM |

    I guess I’m a bit more fond of zebra stripes than the rest of you. Also, considering the size of the rooms, bold patterns and colors are called for. What actually disturbs me is the hideous exterior of this Beverly Hills(?!) Manse. It would behoove the owners to turn their quality approach to interior design (sans zebra stripes)) to the facade. “Inelegant” doesn’t begin to cover it.

    It looks as though the stripes may be fairly easily done away with, if a new owner so desires. A few cabinet fronts and the stairs are the big “offenders.” If that’s just some sort of veneer or high class shelf paper, no prob. Even if it’s not, the cabinets simply need new doors, although the stairs would be more problematic. The one item I can’t see being altered, only replaced, is the zebra striped sink in Pic 15. If the new owners don’t want it, I’ll gladly take it off their hands. :)

    A few questionable points… In the kitchen (Pic 13) there’s an entire row of large appliances – microwaves, fridge, ovens – placed on a wall rather far from any sort of counter top. I can’t imagine taking some steaming hot, heavy item out of the oven and not having someplace to put it down without walking across the room. Same for that chilled watermelon from the fridge. I’m intrigued by the… “medicine cabinets”(?) in Pic 25. I’ve heard that many Beverly-ites stockpile vast quantities of valium, xanax, oxycontin, and the like, but closet sized cabinets’ full? Oh, wait… maybe those are just… water closets. Finally, although I like fire pits and the delightful discussions they tend to generate (not to mention toasted marshmallows), I’m not sure they’re such a great idea with the wizened slopes in full view just the other side of the fence. And given the the steepness of said slopes, strong winds are likely an issue, too.

    On the upside, the interiors really are quite nice – colorful but not too much so, quirky but not too much so, open, airy, and light-filled. I’m not sure I agree with the listing that the place is “magnificently landscaped” (unless there’s a lot we’re not seeing), but in general this is a nice place. And very cool rectangular, “icicle” chandeliers, too.

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  12. Emerald63 | July 23, 2013 at 3:06 PM |

    RE: Denita’s Attenborough riff… There’s a whole series of 2-4 minute animal “documentaries” at YouTube that are hysterical. They’re by a guy named zefrank1 and all start with the phrase “True Facts About…” Fair warning, most have a few naughty words and 2 or 3 even have some naughty, naughty concepts. (Don’t even ask about the duck video; just consider it a XXX exploration of a drake’s extreme anatomy.) Though they’re all good, my own favorite is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Jz0JcQYtqo.

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  13. Denita TwoDragons | July 24, 2013 at 12:20 PM |

    @Emerald63: Oh yes, I am very familiar with ZeFrank’s videos! Some of them aren’t kid-safe but the ones that are are a huge hit with my kiddos. :-D

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