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Marty E.

Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

9 Comments on "Imagine Half Of A Baby Elephant…"

  1. I’ll stick with the photos from Redfin because they are numbered.

    One of at least three dining rooms. (Photos 8 and 24 to add to the one above.) That doesn’t include the breakfast nook(s) and outside dining areas. (Photos 14, 21, 38?, 49?)

    Photo 9: I’ve always needed a place to seat 4+ people for conversation in my bedroom. O_o

    What’s with the bedrooms with triplet single beds? (13, 41)

    There’s a top-hat case at the top of the stairs. (32)

    A single-family residence with 7 bedrooms and 7 baths? Some family! I’d be inclined to turn it into a 5-star B&B.

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  2. Now, I like design that’s unique…but not tacky. This is just awful.

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  3. Emerald63 | June 19, 2014 at 2:34 PM |

    Once you’ve seen a half-baby elephant table, you might think, innocently enough, “OK, that’s as weird as this is gonna get.” But nooo…. no, no, no, no, no. It gets weirder. So, note to self, things to avoid when decorating:

    – double screaming pink velvet sofas with matching mantelpiece crown(?) and faux(?!) fur throws (Pic 4)
    – giant spider-like tech-y chandelier (Pic 5, still twitching over this one)
    – padded leather bedstead, let alone 2 of them (Pics 9 & 11)
    – combining fine quality Asian art with poster-like image of Chairman Mao (Pic 24)
    – multiple pillows bearing the Imperial Japanese Army war flag (Pic49)

    Some of the various color schemes work well, others don’t. Some of the black ceilings work, others don’t. The decor in early pics of certain rooms works, different decor in the same room in later pics doesn’t. The later shots ought to be dropped; they really don’t help. Likewise, there’s no need for 8 pool pics and 6 kitchen pics. And there’s especially no need for the numerous photos of scantily clad women found throughout, which have equally scant artistic merit, in either the listing or the house.

    It’s a nice home with lovely grounds. Decent decor would do it a world of good. What I do like is the large-scale B&W photo of Jim Morrison in a gray sitting area (at the virtual tour link), how navy and white tie the pool and surrounding area together, and, best of all, the intimate dining terrace (Pics 14 and 49). Oooh…. I want me one of those!

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  4. Now, to me, a feature like the half-an-elephant table can only exist to provoke strong curiosity about where the other half has got to. I reckoned it would turn up in, on, or over one of the beds, but no.

    Therefore someone else has obviously got the top half of that elephant somewhere – I reckon it’s sunk into the upper level of a waterfall with its head hanging over the pool, spouting away – and since those people have got the top half of the elephant, their place must totally trump this place.

    No wonder the owner is selling: now they’ve got to go buy a better house and trick it out twice as elaborately, just to survive the shame.

    Perhaps one day someone walked into this place and said, “Oh look, dear, they bought the bottom half of our elephant. For a table. How quaint.” – and suddenly all the owners’ over-the-top tchotchkes were as ashes in their mouths.

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  5. “This home is a loving tribute to the late Major Monocle J. Thunderstick, big game hunter extraordinaire. The main dining room both memorializes and laments his largest big game, the baby elephant. At the front entrance, we can see the cause of his undoing: the parents of that same baby elephant, bent on grief-stricken retribution. Their rage so terrified Maj. Thunderstick that he fled Africa to Europe, specifically Paris (see the lovely Eiffel Tower in dining area 2), across the beautiful Mediterranean, which is symbolized by the pool. Tragically, the Major–and, incidentally, his entire family–were so traumatized by the episode that they spent years having to wear diapers. The family photographs on the walls are originals; the Major shook so badly for the rest of his life that he was unable to capture the lovely face of his wife, Esmeralda, or their children, Georgette and Mina, with his camera…”

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  6. @anodean: When you said the upper half didn’t turn up, I was thinking, “Well, at least in the rooms we see in this listing.” But no… your suggestion as to where it is is much more fun. :D

    Query… When you said it might be “in” one of the beds, were you referencing a particular scene in The Godfather by any chance? (O_o)

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  7. @JMixx: Great to see you!!

    May we assume that Major Thunderstick, in so angering the elephant parents, has inadvertently been responsible for a fundamental change in the definition of an “elephant” gun?

    Oh Blast It All!

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  8. LOL Em! I have to stop by from time to time–I start to miss everybody. Then Roomba reminds me…

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  9. @JMixx: Maj. Monocle Thunderstick (ret.) shall live on in my imagination. :D

    (Which, as we know, is quite a place.)

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