“Enjoy the views…”

This one went off the market yesterday (although it can still be viewed on Trulia as of this morning), but it was just too good not to share.

3087 Cherry Ln., Clearwater, FL 33759

What’s with the cameras up on the roof? This bit from the listing description explains:

Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens…

Because it’s not like you could just, you know, actually go up on the roof.

3087 Cherry Ln., Clearwater, FL 33759

Er… wait.

3087 Cherry Ln., Clearwater, FL 33759

This crazy room powers your ability to watch your home’s own view on TV, and so much more:

…the server room that houses the technology that sets this house apart from ANYTHING you’ve EVER seen. Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens, or gather to watch the Big Game! If you’d rather watch sunset in Alaska, select it from the media options, with 100’s to choose from!

And they fit all this in such a tiny package!

3087 Cherry Ln., Clearwater, FL 33759

Haha no. This is the actual behemoth:

3087 Cherry Ln., Clearwater, FL 33759

Here’s the full listing description, for posterity:

Tampa Bay’s best kept secret! This unbelievable custom built and furnished home is the pinnacle of luxury, perfect for entertaining, working, or relaxing in style, with absolutely no expense spared in every detail. This state-of-the-art property has many lavish upgrades including a chef’s kitchen with Sub zero and Miele appliances, gas range, warming drawers, discrete lighting- all set the perfect mood. Built on 5 levels, and to commercial standards, the ground floor is all garage- bring your car collection! The 2nd floor is a huge open floor with foyer, for you to create the space you crave, with possibilities for home or business. The third floor is 4 master suites, den, and the server room that houses the technology that sets this house apart from ANYTHING you’ve EVER seen. Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens, or gather to watch the Big Game! If you’d rather watch sunset in Alaska, select it from the media options, with 100’s to choose from! Floor four is the living space, with separate office, kitchen, dining area and living rooms. Head to the rooftop terrace to enjoy views of Tampa Bay. The terrace is prebuilt ready for an outdoor kitchen, hot tub, seating, and serving areas- perfect for entertaining at sunset. Want more space? The owner also owns the house next door, and can include that in this sale, giving you many additional options for development. See the virtual tour, and schedule your personal tour today.

Said virtual tour is still online, as well.

About the Author

Marty E.
Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

4 Comments on "“Enjoy the views…”"

  1. The outside immediately made me think of Gene Hackman’s fortress in Enemy of the State.

    That server array is a geek’s dream, though. My brother does Internet development on a couple of servers from his house in his spare time and this beats his setup hands down.

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  2. Well, somebody’s prepping for the Zombie Apocolypse. I mean, raised living area, 360′ elevated surveillance system, independent cyber support…

    Except… perhaps the camera feeds are simply so you can enjoy selective views, seeing as how this thing is about only 20′ from a four lane freeway. So much for the rooftop entertaining. Coming home and leaving must be fun, too, as the frontage road is the only access; Cherry Lane, as dandy as it sounds, is a dead end. You’ll also have to deal with the frontage road traffic flow from the Baptist high school to the north and its student ministry center to the south. Then there’s the delight of having two of its major athletic fields just to the west. BTW, that freeway is to the east. No wonder these folks have walled themselves off inside their own private version of the outside world. There don’t even seem to be any windows in the main living area. I do believe those large black squares on the walls are multiple TV screens. They likely back onto the false windows that face the freeway. Oddly there are real windows in the bedrooms; you know, the places where people are supposed to be sleeping?

    And how odd is it that the most colorful interior photo at the virtual tour is the server room? If these folks ever lose power for an extended time, they’re gonna be trapped in a colorless dungeon. A tastefully decorated colorless dungeon, but a colorless dungeon nonetheless.

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  3. @Emerald63: Well, I’ll give them credit for generator capacity in the garage level…

    But mostly I think they’re just worried that Puff the Magic Dragon might someday return to play on Cherry Lane… hence the thick, fireproof walls, advanced surveillance systems, and general sense of being good for a long siege. Would the name on the mailbox be “J. Paper,” by any chance? Gotta hand it to ’em, that part of Florida would indeed be some prime dragon habitat. :D

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  4. It’s back! Dropped off the market right before I posted it back in October, re-listed today.

    Old price: $1,999,000
    New price: $1,750,000

    https://www.redfin.com/FL/Clearwater/3087-Cherry-Ln-33759/home/47844087

    ReplyReply

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