Well we’re movin’ on up… To the East Side…

to a deluxe apartment in the sky-y-y

The Upper East Side of NYC is a rarefied atmosphere, the proverbial lap of luxury. With the Guggenheim next door and the Metropolitan Museum of Art just down the street, it’s one classy neighborhood, underscored by the $23.5M price tag on this single floor co-op. With that sort of clout a bit eccentricity is to be expected with, say, the choice of decor palette…

1060 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10128

…or the scale and number of large patterns. Or both. This “interesting” color-pattern combo continues in the bedrooms.

1060 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10128

Oh. My… Well, at least it can’t get any worse. Probably.

OK, I was wrong. Take all of the above and add… sage-green striped bedspreads? And a trellis patterned carpeting with… a turquoise background?

1060 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10128

I’d ask someone to pass the Pepto Bismol, but I think they used it all on the ceilings.

If you hadn’t guessed already, you finally, truly know it’s bad when this hallway is actually a relief.

1060 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10128

Horizontal bead-board isn’t usually¬†associated with luxury, let alone painted turquoise, but at least it’s (somewhat) better than this chair with extremely odd upholstery…

1060 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10128

I… uh… what?

If there were such a thing as a Crime Against Prime Real Estate this place would be guilty of multiple counts.

Found by: Emerald63

8 Comments on "Well we’re movin’ on up… To the East Side…"

  1. In my neck of the woods, we would just say that someone has more money than they have sense. In this case, fashion sense.

    I’m just wondering with everything else, why they bothered with a scotch tape photo collage in photo 10.

    (BTW, Em, love the commentary as always!)

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  2. Emerald63 | July 11, 2015 at 1:35 PM |

    @Frodo: Thank you, I’ll be here all week. :D

    I took a look at Pic 10. Had you noticed all the photos are mounted on some sort of clear backing board? I’d bet there is some sort of fancy attachment system. Or maybe one uses magnets front and back of the board. Or maybe it is just scotch tape. Sixty year old, 180 proof Chivas Regal scotch tape, that is.

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  3. @Emerald63: Yeah, I noticed the backing board. If it’s not overpriced plexiglass, I don’t know what it could be. They could be using something other than scotch tape. Whatever they are using, it’s an odd detraction from the rest of the place. Maybe the “black sheep” college kid is home for the summer and is simply doing his or her own thing here while (s)he tolerates mom and/or dad’s eccentricities.

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  4. MsWildhack | July 15, 2015 at 9:58 AM |

    I’d like to know what the point is of the glass screen that is in front of the windows at the right of the top photo.

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  5. @MsWildhack: I hadn’t paid much attention to it, but yeah… what the heck is that? It looks almost like it should be an ornamental screen, perhaps with mirrors rather than fabric or wood. But if they are mirrors they’d have to have been placed in just the perfect spot to look like they’re glass. They’re too tall to be fireplace screens, so I’m stumped too. (^_o) [That’s supposed to be a raised eyebrow…]

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  6. @MsWildhack: Just looked at the listing again. There’s an even better view of the screen in Pic 2. Perhaps they’re planning on having some nice design etched on the plain glass? There’s a similar screen in Pic 9 with multiple beveled panes. Why they used a glass screen to shield a toilet is beyond me.

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  7. MsWildhack | July 16, 2015 at 11:56 AM |

    Yes, it was actually photo 2 that made me scratch my head. I didn’t even notice it in the photo at the top of the post at first. I also questioned the purpose of the beveled glass one in the bathroom, but I suppose the bevelling, framing and starburst sort of creates a visual disguise for what’s behind the screen. Not much of one, but hey! Frankly, I don’t understand the use of screens or pony walls to “hide” toilets, in any case. I mean, if you’re intimate enough with someone that you don’t object to them coming into the bathroom to, say, brush their teeth while you’re sitting on the toilet, surely you’re intimate enough with them that a screen or pony wall is unnecessary? And if you’re not intimate enough with anyone to allow someone else to come into the bathroom while you’re there, then there is also no need to “hide” the toilet, right? Are people who hide their toilets behind screens or pony walls trying to trick others into believing that they are so refined that they have no need for such a thing in their bathrooms?

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  8. Emerald63 | July 16, 2015 at 3:38 PM |

    @MsWildhack: The beveled glass screen couldn’t even hide the ~gasp!~ (whispers…) toilet paper. I can’t imagine what those sort of people could ever need it for…

    Your intimacy comments made me think of the olden days (say, 19thC) when sometimes couples who’d been married for decades had never seen each other completely naked. How’s that for weird?

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