Nothing particularly noteworthy about this picture…

…but that didn’t stop the agent from shooting a second photo almost exactly like it, and including both of them in the listing.

And it’s not just the living that got the double-take treatment, either.

The bedroom also gets double vision.

I promise I’m not just putting two of the same photo on here. Go the listing and see for yourself.

Same treatment for the entry hallway, too.

Here’s a bonus shot that, despite being incredibly blurry, wasn’t taken a second time:

How do listing agents like this ever find work?

It’s hard to figure out exactly what happened here, but I’m pretty sure what we’re looking at are physical photo prints that were digitally scanned on a flatbed scanner.

Then just straight up dumped on the MLS. No cropping, no rotating… Nothing.

At 3 percent commission, this listing agent stands to “earn” $9,870 if this home sells. Maybe they can use some of the money to buy a digital camera, or at least some rudimentary photo editing lessons.

Wow. Just wow. A photo of some text on a computer monitor.

And weeks after the listing went live… still no actual pictures.

Seems to be a habit of this particular listing agent. Here’s another. And another.

The listing photos for this home are just inexplicable.

That one is the primary listing photo.

How about we check out the view? Surely you can’t screw that up, right?

Wrong.

And yet, somehow this home went to pending status the day after it was listed.

Something smells fishy.

OK, it’s just that they didn’t know about proper lighting for night shots. But maybe not.

Gee, maybe it’s all that bright Orlando sunshine causing glare. But maybe not.

Hmm… Perhaps the shots of smaller areas are better. But maybe not.

Uh, maybe they just woke up?

Or had a few too many?

I know! All together now, loudly enough for the guy in the projection booth to hear us, “Focus!”

Yeah, that oughta do it. But maybe not…

I can’t really put it any better than the reader who submitted it:

Looks like a grave site? And why is it sideways??

No idea.

It starts with crudely-corrected crooked exterior shots, and it just gets weirder when you go inside…

Nothing like a creepy over-the-top cat-themed bathroom to make you feel at home.

Also important to note: The doors do in fact go all the way to the floor. Well, this door, anyway.

Someone seems to have desaturated the kitchen.

Um, nice… heater… I guess.

Headless ghost agent and ghost agent’s buddy come free with this $2.5 million Nebraska home.

It does have a sweet guard tower, though.

Not that there’s much to see…

That is a top quality photo right there. Definitely appropriate for a $1.2 million listing. Maybe it was just the lighting. Let’s give them another chance…

Nope, it wasn’t just the lighting. Wait, has this home been on the market since January 2008?!? The listing history seems to show it just having been listed a few weeks ago. I guess rather than bothering to shoot new photos, they just scrounged up whatever random shots they had lying around?

That’s the only way I can really think to explain this terrible collection.

I mean, a few of them even have dueling MLS watermarks! So ridiculous.

I guess I am old fashioned, but when a real estate agent stands to earn take a $36,000 commission, I expect at least some effort on their part to make the home look good in the sales material.

Forget photo slideshows. Cross-faded borderless collages are where it’s at.

It’s the real estate wave of the future.

Reduced for quick sale, Owner is packed and ready to go!!

Just a thought but maybe you should consider taking some decent photos before packing your bags.

Oh, and also learning how to correctly type in a price might help, too.

With a primary photo like that it’s hard to imagine why this home hasn’t sold after 100 days on the market in one of the hottest real estate markets ever. Wait, no. No, it’s not hard to imagine.

Such natural colors inside.

Do not want to know what is making that bathroom glow so yellow like that.

I’ll buy that sweet tie-wearing, mustachioed beaver, though. Five bucks.

This $3.5 million listing has four photos. The first two are duplicates.

Is that a dog… drinking from a pool?

I love how the watermark is basically the same size as the photos.

Yup, that’s the primary photo for this “Completely restored Victorian Mansion in prime Mid-Town” Detroit, listed at $2.5 million. The really odd thing is that they have a decent exterior photo, but for some reason they buried it down at #49 of 58 photos.

Some of the other photo choices are interesting, as well.

Who wants to spend $2.5 million on a mansion just to have a bunch of people in apartments staring into your party yard all day?

Also, I’m not sure that “a view of Ford Field and Comerica Park” is really on the list of features that mansion-shoppers are looking for.

They do have some sweet stairs though, so there is that.

Okay so the list price on this… place in Jacksonville is under $20,000, so I wouldn’t expect much.

However, I do sort of expect that the agent could maybe be bothered to take a photo with a device made more recently than 20 years ago. Especially when they’re only going to bother uploading a single photo to the listing.

No such luck.

You can tell that it’s actually the house that’s tilted, not the camera, because otherwise why would the agent have such a hard time holding the camera still for the interior shots?

Also, the residents had to evacuate quickly, which obviously explains the terrible mess left all over.

Okay I don’t have a good explanation for the recliner in the garage.

Ooh, but there is a full plate of cookies. Win!

That’s the primary listing photo for this Portland home.

These are the only other two photos on the listing.

The listing agent stands to “earn” a commission of over $8,000 should this sell near its list price of $275,000.

Why am I not an agent?

What’s that? Oh, no, don’t bother getting up. I’m sure your work is very important.

No, it’s no big deal. I’m just taking pictures of your house. You know, so we can try to sell it for $800,000.

Why not retire to the living room with your friends?

Oh, right.

Crooked, blurry primary photo, taken from an odd angle? Check.

Weirdly-sparse, poorly-lit interior shot? Check.

Horribly exposed shot of the view, taken through a window with lots of distracting reflections? Check.

Death ray in the bathroom? Check.

Okay, looks like we’ve got everything. We’re ready to sell a five million dollar home in Malibu!

Wow. Um… That’s one way to sell a house, I guess?

And that’s another way?

Okay um, what’s with the weird lines?

Sometimes you wonder if a listing agent was drunk when they uploaded the photos of the home they’re allegedly attempting to sell…

And drunk when they took the photos.

Actually, given the home’s decor…

…I can’t help but wonder if the residents were also drunk when they chose their furniture and accents.

So many questionable choices here.

The listing description:

Charming Craftsman Bungalow w/ a brand new 2story foundation w/ permits. Updated Electrical. Master Bedrm w/ New Bath & walk-in Clst. Garage transformed into cool hangout space. Front yrd is a damn orchard. Only 3 fams have lived here. Plus rm is perfect for future kitchenReno or?

Uh huh. I guess in this listing agent’s world, “orchard” is a word that means “crudely photoshopped mess.”

What’s the deal with these overpriced Oakland homes including “creative” additions to the primary listing photo?

Hey, wait a minute…

(Checks last week’s similar listing)

Yup. Both homes were listed by Ron Kriss of Lawton Associates. Well, he certainly knows how to get my attention, that’s for sure.

A few photos later we get to see what the “damn orchard” really looks like:

And courtesy of Google Street View, here’s a look at what it looked like before they decided to orchard-ize it:

Last sold less than two years ago for $595,000. With the new landscaping and fresh coat of paint, this one smells an awful lot like a flip. With a sale price of $850,000, I’d say a pretty successful flip, too.

I have to say though, I don’t really “get” the staging:

Turns out this isn’t Ron Kriss’ only listing with a super-fake front yard, either. Here’s another I found in a quick search: 976 57th St., Oakland, CA 94608

Okay Ron, you’re going to have to step up your game if you want to be featured on these pages again. We’re onto your tricks.

Best I can tell, these are photos of someone’s computer screen. The clicking hand computer pointer is sort of a giveaway.

Very low quality photos. Of very low quality photos.

It’s crappy real estate skills squared!

Oh and if the printed baby face pillow isn’t creepy enough for you, how about this shot?

This next shot is the view you get when you wake up and find that the dolls have stolen one of your kidneys to sell on the black market.

Just lie down and relax. Here, this soothing wallpaper should help.

This place is a real piece of work.

A little tasteful HDR can make for some good-looking listing photos.

Unfortunately, the HDR applied to the photos of this listing is neither “a little” nor “tasteful.”

This would be a truly terrifying reality to live in.

The exterior shots are the least-terrifying of the set, but even those have an almost cartoon-like feel to them.

If I were the seller of this $1.2 million home, I would fire the listing agent and the photographer immediately. These photos are a bad joke.

Sometime you accidentally shoot a picture or two when you’re taking the camera out of your pocket.

Typically though, you don’t choose to use those photos as the first and second photo on the listing marketing a home for sale.

How about we take a look inside?

Okay… I think that’s the dining room? Here, have a blown-out hallway.

Maybe the listing agent should have just stayed in the car.

You’re looking at the only two photos of this listing.

Apparently actually visiting the home was too difficult. As was taking a screenshot. So, apparently they just decided to snap a couple cell phone pictures of some Bing Maps that they printed out on paper? The mind boggles.

Looks like whoever took this photo was on their way to dreamland as they hit the shutter.

Apparently the bathroom is sleep-inducing, too. I love the photograph of a tub on the counter.

Hey wait a minute, that the same DREAM from the bedroom? I think it is.

You know, in case you wanted to know what your future home will look like to a fish.

Or maybe through a crystal ball?

Or maybe there’s nothing distorted about these photos at all. Maybe it’s one of those art project houses and all that stuff really is that warped.