Nothing sells a home quite like a living room packed to the gills with dolls.

Bonus:

Gotta love the classic Pacific Northwest outdoor photos: “The ground is obviously covered in rain but we have photoshopped in a bright blue sky anyway.”

100% tasteful.

Located on a $2.25 million half-acre lot in Malibu.

Fully stocked.

Oh look, lemons!

Inside is mostly bland, except for this bathroom…

Why would you need a mirror on the ceiling?

I don’t recognize the object of this home seller’s adoration.

But wowzers do they ever adore him. Not one, but two full-on shrines, plus a giant photo above the fireplace…

…two in this bedroom…

…and one more in this bedroom.

Anybody recognize who this is?

[Update: Paradox solves the mystery in the comments below. It’s Sathya Sai Baba, described by Wikipedia as “an Indian guru and spiritual leader.”]

And here we have the lovely enclosed patio, where you can relax, enjoy good company, and maybe hang someone in effigy from the ceiling. You know, whatever you’re into.

If only those happy kids on the bench knew what kind of stuff was going on inside, they would run. You know, if they weren’t made of bronze, that is.

Hey it’s a books butler.

I could do without the effigy and the other odd statues, but I’d be happy to take the Corvette…

Lots of extra photos on the “virtual tour”.

All kinds of weird staging going on in this place. From the lone typewriter with no seating…

…to the pair of tall chairs just sitting by themselves in the corner.

Also: Dining with George and Martha Washington. And nothing else.

The home does have one cool feature though…

That’s the “400SF bomb shelter converted into a wine cellar.” Nice. Survivalism in style.

We just really don’t like the guy, okay?

What?

The rest of the house is actually quite nice.

Looks like a pretty sweet view.

I especially loved this hallway with bookshelves built into the walls.

Too bad they had to commit the sin of the mega mountain cliché. I guarantee the mountain doesn’t look anywhere near that big in person.

Yup, this is where he and Priscilla spent their honeymoon in ’66 and it’s still chock full of Elvis memorabilia.

It also has a strange blend of decor…

…some well suited to the architectural style…

…and some that really, really isn’t.

Is that what the listing meant by “art deco design & furnishings”? ‘Cause it’s not, not in the above shot, and not anywhere else either.

Hint for listing agents – if you’re gonna mention a named style, know what you’re talking about.

Itching to grab a complete Dracula collection? This swanky LA pad was once owned by Count Dracula himself.

Of course I’m referring to Bela Lugosi, who portrayed Dracula in the 1931 film of the same name.

The Dracula art in the staging is certainly a nice touch.

This home sold last July for $2.6 million. It was listed again this March for $4.2 million, then re-listed on Wednesday (June 25th) with a new low price of just $4,067,000. Still quite a bit cheaper than the $80 million asking price for Dracula’s Castle in Romania.

No word on whether the disembodied arm on the dining room table conveys.

No idea what’s going on staging-wise in this room. We’ve got a deer-leg table, a fairly modern-looking iron cube ceiling lamp, and some kind of crazy tentacled metal standing lamp. With a traditional Persian rug.

The bathroom without any mirror is a nice touch, though.

Seems like a pretty normal house… until you hit photo #13 (above).

From the listing description:

Your friends will say, WHOA!, you hit the lottery with this one!

See, it doesn’t count if your “friends” are all inanimate.

From the submitter, Sarah K.:

Must say that’s the finest whiskey-barrel dining set I’ve ever seen, and check out that bronze cherub in the top corner of the final photo.

It’s certainly the strangest staging I’ve seen in a while.

Why didn’t I get to have a ceiling-height stuffed giraffe when I was growing up?

Or a solar panel?

From the listing description:

Unique concrete Dome home on 9+ secluded ac just outside of Rainier. Completely “off grid” & self-sufficient: Solar Sys. , Generator, propane applics, woodstove. Gated entry.

Not sure what those pipes are for, but they certainly look cool. Speaking of looking cool, did I mention this home is a dome?

With 9 acres and priced at only $300,000, I’d definitely be tempted if I were in the market for a getaway home. I just wish the railroad tracks were a bit further away.

Surprise! for your 40th birthday, we decided to sell your house!

Also: We got you this pink car!

Comment from the reader who submitted this one:

I think this may be the house from Goldilocks and the three bears because she was still sleeping in one of the beds when they snapped this photo.

The rest of the place is rather oddly sparse compared to the occupied bedroom.

Do the current residents just stand around and watch DVDs all day?

I’m so confused.

“This massive wall of empty shelves looks too lonely. Better do some staging…”

“Ahh, there. Much better.”

The weird thing about this listing is that most of the home is totally empty, no furniture, no decor, nothing. But the kitchen sort of looks like the owners just barely stepped out of frame.

Well okay then. I guess everybody needs a hobby, so why not pretending to kayak in one’s house?

Also I guess another hobby they have is ukulele bird watching?

The listing’s headline proclaims this place to be “A House of Secrets.” So where are the secrets?

This property was purpose built for a special community group in the 1970’s and has has some very unique features to go with it.
…
The third level disappears completely underground and at 60 plus meters has a multitude of possible uses. A great cellar, if you want one with a bathroom, or maybe a recording studio or sound proof music room. Great hobbies room or nuclear survival shelter.

Oh. So the “secret” is that it has a basement. I guess in the far north of New Zealand that’s a “very unique feature?” Also why would you ever need a nuclear survival shelter in the far north of New Zealand?

Um… is that a mold of a pregnant lady’s torso on the bathroom counter?

And why are there sheep standing on empty cable spools in the back yard?

The mostly melted snowman in the front yard is a nice touch, though.

This is the bedroom we gave to the daughter we’re proud of.

And this is the bedroom we gave to the daughter we’re ashamed of.

Hey at least she gets a bed. Sort of.

The above photo is the only one in this listing’s set of eight pictures that shows any part of the actual house.

The rest of the shots are just pictures of the surrounding mountains and power lines at various zoom levels.

I do like the artsy feeling of that chair photo, but I’m not sure it’s great for marketing at $365,000 home.

What I love about this one is how the model train occupying the entire attic just suddenly jumps out of an otherwise perfectly normal photo set.

Okay, a mostly normal photo set. I especially love the LP on the counter. Because the bathroom is where people keep their vinyl.

Seems like it would be a little difficult to relax in the living room when you’ve got a featureless figure lurking just around the corner.

Let’s check out some other part of the house.

Ahh, much better. Although I’m not really sure what a shot of a table with some flowers on it is really supposed to tell us about the house itself…

Bonus feature: Apparently it’s no biggie if you flood the bathtub.

PRICED BELOW CERTIFIED APPRAISAL of $3.5 million.

Well okay, maybe if you offered them the CERTIFIED APPRAISAL amount, they would throw in PoolDog.

Gotta love the random faded-oval shot they threw in there.

Wait, wait, wait. Is that a bomb shelter with a cute little stepping stone path?

SOLD!

Given the listing price of just $24,000, I assume that this home is in a rather frightening neighborhood. [Update: Confirmed. Murder risk 3x the national average, robbery risk 6x… yikes!] This might explain why the previous owner apparently left in such a hurry, scattering the contents of their desk all over the floor in their rush to vacate the premises.

What I really enjoyed about this (small) set of photos is how the rest of the house appears to be completely empty. Maybe the former occupant lived a very simple life and this was the only room they used?

There’s definitely something to be said for choosing a theme and going all out on it.

Something to be said… What was it…

Ooh, a boat!

Ooh, a bird!

Wait, what were we talking about?

From the listing description:

This stunning property provides 4487 square feet of living space with 5 generous bedrooms and 4 luxurious bathes.

Only one of the “4 luxurious bathes” contain a ShowerDog but it’s not included in the $2,160,000 list price.

Whoever staged and photographed this home was really proud of themselves.

I mean, really, really proud. Of their suitcases. And their books. And the white cat on the white sofa slipcover.

Seriously, of the fifteen photos on this listing, only about half feature the home itself. The other half are just close-up shots of the pretty staging.

I mean, those cupcakes do look delicious, but typically I browse real estate listings because I want to see the homes, not the pomegranates.

Hey wait a minute! Are those the same cupcakes that were inside on the dresser? I call shenanigans!

Um. What is on that bed? Is it a baby? A creepy fat doll? That’s one way to cut a tour short, I suppose. If I walked into a bedroom and saw that… thing staring me down, I’d be out of there right quick.

Also… what’s with the photo of the monolith in the back yard?

At least the home features a cool bathtub.

Well, cool-looking, anyway. Not sure how comfortable it would be to actually use.

Park your butt and get some work done.

I have to say, I don’t really understand the point of photos like these that almost exclusively feature furniture, decor, and other items that won’t be sold with the home.

Cool table! Now I’m totally going to buy this home!

On the other hand, when this is the most exciting shot of the home itself that you can come up with…

I can see why you would prefer to feature the decor instead.

Rubber chickens. On plates (on plates on plates). At the dinner table.

Expert staging for the win.

This is what’s known in the industry as “hyper-targeted staging.”

One question though…

What’s with the creepy rag doll hanging on the wall in the corner of the bedroom?

Unsettling.

I’m sure that the recreation that takes place in this room is limited to the enjoyment of strictly legal substances.

Interesting that the very next photo features Avatar. I wonder if the plot becomes actually interesting after enjoying the room above?

For your $10 million you don’t just get the drug cave and the viewing room… you also get your very own observatory?

Dang.

What? Is a seemingly incapacitated child splayed out across the living room floor a deal-breaker for you?

How about a baby-eating lion? Not your cup of tea?