From the listing:

Extreme Fire Damage From Fire 4/17/2013

Gotta love that they used what appears to be a photo of the home actually on fire as the primary photo.

Yup, looks like a total loss.

The price isn’t too bad for a lot in that area, so I guess it’s not surprising that the listing is pending.

Oh yeah, I will definitely be going down that hallway. NOT.

Here’s the entire listing description:

AWESOME HOME IN THE BEST PART OF DETROIT

I think the listing agent and I have very different definitions of “awesome home.”

I also get the feeling that “the best part of Detroit” is sort of like “the warmest part of Antarctica.”

Gotta love the effort put forth by the listing agent.

The home does at least have an interesting architecture, but overall, if this is “awesome” in “the best part of Detroit”… yikes.

Nothing says “welcome home” quite like HDR mold, rot, and CAUTION tape.

I love how they cranked up the HDR so high that the dead brown grass looks like it’s glowing a bright yellow color.

The ridiculously overdone HDR amplifies every little defect, even in the least-terrible-looking room in the house.

Seriously, this place looks like some kind of Siberian prison.

List price on this 1,840 square foot rathole: Six hundred thousand dollars.

And it went pending after only nine days on the market.

Welcome to Seattle!

Apparently neither the seller nor the listing agent thought it worth $25 to buy a bucket of paint and cover the “art” in this home.

Asking price: $16,000. Last sold in 2004 for $58,500.

You’d probably have to pay me—and a lot more than $16,000—to live in Omaha.

This shot of the exterior brick wall isn’t the lead photo for this home, but it is the best photo.

The primary photo isn’t all that bad, but once you go inside… all bets are off.

I have to respect a listing agent that’s willing to brave such a terrifying environment just for the paltry commission they’ll be earning on a $15,000 listing.

How do homes even get like this?

Is that a toilet… in the bathtub? Never mind, I don’t want to know.

Missing windows with bird nests where the glass should be. Perfect.

How about I make you a deal. How about you pay me $15,000 and I’ll find a way to bulldoze this place to the ground and wipe its memory from the earth. That sounds pretty fair.

I… Um… What?

Not even going to ask what those things hanging on the wall on the left are.

The listing agent’s remark that this home “is in need of major improvement” seems to be a bit of an understatement.

A room with nothing but a disheveled bookcase in it? Nope, nothing creepy about that AT ALL.

At $1.2 million dollars, this home appears to be the only other listing in Detroit currently asking over a million dollars.

In the real estate business, this is known as “Not trying. Not even a little bit.”

Seriously, it would be difficult to take less useful and more terrible photos if you tried.

Gotta love all the clutter, too. It’s not just the agent that isn’t trying here.

Ever heard of this thing called a flash?

Anyway, mostly Detroit just makes me sad. I probably won’t be posting too many more houses from there, unless something really ridiculous comes up.

Ho-ho, no way am I going in there.

Oh. We went in there.

This place just keeps getting more and more nope.

How does this even happen.

Are those bars inside the windows? Yikes.

List price: $15,000

The weird thing is that it doesn’t look that bad in the primary photo:

This is one of those instances when maybe everyone would have been better off (or at least had fewer nightmares) if the listing agent had only included a single photo.

Wow. This dark hallway really gives me a lot of useful information about this $275,000 Pennsylvania listing.

Um… Okay, what happened here?

Oh did I mention this is a church building? Apparently a relatively long-abandoned church building.

While the setting looks rather remote in the photos, it’s apparently in the middle of a residential neighborhood, right next to a freeway. Still don’t think I’d touch this one with a ten foot pole, based on the photos…

There is no indication in the listing description of whether or not the $220k asking price includes the rusting muscle cars.

I bet you could get them to throw in that half-empty shake, though. And the variety of poisons and toxic cleaners sitting right next to it.

Classic agent shadow. Nice touch.

I also love how there are still Christmas lights up on a house that was just listed in mid-September. Maybe they’re just getting an early start. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

Behold the two million dollar kitchen.

Two million dollar weeds.

And the two million dollar living room, with the two million dollar floor.

Listing claims that the home sports “ocean views,” but conveniently fails to include any photos of said views.

Oh did I mention this place is in Malibu? That might have something to do with the price. Maybe.

From the listing description:

Serious inquiries only please. Partially blt eco-home. Website SylvanEcoHouse.com. 1 1/2 story home, three BD’s, 2.1 BA’s. 1944 sf. Needs completion.

Not a lot of homes have their own website. That number is probably even smaller among half-finished disaster-zone homes like this one.

What am I even looking at here? Why is everything covered in a metal grid? How is living inside a steel cage “green”? So many unanswered questions, and unfortunately reading the home’s website doesn’t really clear anything up for me.

Fancy.

Gee, what kind of house would need to be gutted completely like that?

Maybe a drug house?

The price? $420k.

It’s always a good sign when the listing agent is apparently too afraid to set foot on the property they’re selling.

There are only a couple of different photos you can take from the street.

I should rephrase. There are only a couple of different useful photos you can take from the street.

740 square feet. Sold last month for $125,000 in Seattle, Washington.

100% covered in garbage.

I like how the box from the microwave in the second photo above is still just lying around the house in the third photo.

It’s bad luck to open an umbrella indoors, but I think that’s the least of this person’s problems.

From the listing description:

You will need to restore utilities and update mechanicals before moving in.

…and flush the toilet.

Whoa that is some seriously dizzying wallpaper.

Speaking of walls, apparently the former occupant of this home went mad and chose this room as the vessel for their insane screed. Also, I really hope that isn’t blood on the floor there under the window.

This place gives me the creeps.

Straight from the listing agent’s description:

Must access thru adjacent unit 712, then thru hole in bsmt wall.

Um. What.

There is a front door… At least it certainly looks like there is. Why on Earth would I need to break into the adjacent unit then crawl through a hole in the basement wall?!?

Um, the blurry kitchen pic isn’t really helping here, guys.

Oh good. Another hole in the wall. Maybe this one leads to a magical kingdom!

Nine of the eleven photos of this home are of the exterior or the view. Which sort of makes sense, given that the home sits on half an acre of lake front property.

If the rest of this home’s 4,519 square feet look anything like the two rooms they did include photos of… well let’s just say that I’m not too surprised this foreclosed home was apparently pulled off the market without selling.

Realtor: “Okay, if we’re going to sell this house, I’m going to need you to clean it up.”

Seller: “Umm…”

Realtor: “Well how about this. Can you at least mostly clear the floor middle of each room?”

Seller: “Umm…”

Not only could the listing agent not be bothered to sweep up the dead roaches, but they took a photograph that appears to be primarily intended to feature the dead roaches. Wow.

Really looks like a nice place.

I also like how the listing shows it as “Undisclosed Address,” but then they include a photo that shows the address. The specific number at the beginning is a little hard to read though…

Okay there we go. So much for “undisclosed.”

That’s a lot of orange Home Depot buckets.

Unfortunately, it looks like they couldn’t do it, even with Home Depot’s help.

Seriously… Yikes.

Are those birdhouses?

What.

What.

Nope.

I love that there are 20 photos of this… place.

It’s also great that the listing agent apparently has a sense of humor:

Want a secluded cabin on 5 acres next to open desert? This is the one! Has electric in street. The old cabin needs some work but hey it has got 4 walls up, just missing the room. Also on land is out house in pretty good condition. Old stove/bbq thing that is cool and looks like it could be used, inside cabin are old antique stove and sink. Seller will finance this jewel with 20% down @ 7 % interest all due 5 years.

At 3% commission, the listing agent stands to earn a whopping $270 when this particular square of desert finally sells. Why not have a little fun with it.

Sure, there’s something to be said for truth in advertising…

…but at some point it starts to feel like you’re just rubbing it in.

I mean, this set goes on for thirty photos.

I actually rather like the style and era of the home, but holy cow would it take a lot of money to make it livable. Livable to someone who isn’t a complete slob, that is.

Sold in January for $367,000.

Seattle Washington, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s like a grisly freeway wreck. I want to look away, but I just can’t.

I’m not sure which is more disturbing… That anyone actually lives like this, or that someone paid over a third of a million dollars for what is basically a small landfill.

To wrap up our impromptu “Out of Place HDR” week on Looney Listing, let’s behold this gem, also in Seattle, with an asking price of over half a million dollars.

I especially like how in the above photo the light on the ceiling is far brighter in the full-wall mirror than it is in the foreground. Magic physics!

Nothing says “let’s cozy up and watch some TV” like boxes piled to the ceiling. Oh and no furniture to sit on because there isn’t room for any furniture among all the clutter. So cozy!

Massively cluttered basement? No problem!

Just shoot that thing in over-saturated HDR!

Then everyone will be so overwhelmed by the hyper-reality of your next-generation photography skills that they’ll never notice all of the random crap covering every possible surface!

Flipping through the photos on this listing might give you the impression that you’ll be buying a spacious, if somewhat tacky (check out all the pool flamingos), home. Then you get to the last photo, and you read this in the listing description:

HOME WAS TORN DOWN TO THE SLAB AFTER RECENT HOUSE FIRE.

Wow. Can’t say I’ve ever seen a listing that includes a photo of the actual fire that burned down the home that used to stand in this place.

The first photo might give us a clue as to the cause of the fire…

Finally, what the heck is this?!?

A painted sink, wrapped in bubble wrap? Is it included in the sale, or was it burned in the aforementioned fire?

I’m so confused.

This listing is just chock-full of what. From the seemingly oblivious tenant using his tools to work on… um… wait, what is he working on in this photo? An invisible car?

Anyway, moving on…

…to the random collection of worn-out diner booths just shoved into some random room to rot…

…to the TV playing a game show for nobody in particular…

…to the tables full of junk in the jungle of a back yard…

…to the random extension cord running into the kitchen from who knows where.

Great find, Claire!