The listing photos for this home are just inexplicable.

That one is the primary listing photo.

How about we check out the view? Surely you can’t screw that up, right?

Wrong.

And yet, somehow this home went to pending status the day after it was listed.

Something smells fishy.

OK, it’s just that they didn’t know about proper lighting for night shots. But maybe not.

Gee, maybe it’s all that bright Orlando sunshine causing glare. But maybe not.

Hmm… Perhaps the shots of smaller areas are better. But maybe not.

Uh, maybe they just woke up?

Or had a few too many?

I know! All together now, loudly enough for the guy in the projection booth to hear us, “Focus!”

Yeah, that oughta do it. But maybe not…

I can’t really put it any better than the reader who submitted it:

Looks like a grave site? And why is it sideways??

No idea.

That is a top quality photo right there. Definitely appropriate for a $1.2 million listing. Maybe it was just the lighting. Let’s give them another chance…

Nope, it wasn’t just the lighting. Wait, has this home been on the market since January 2008?!? The listing history seems to show it just having been listed a few weeks ago. I guess rather than bothering to shoot new photos, they just scrounged up whatever random shots they had lying around?

That’s the only way I can really think to explain this terrible collection.

I mean, a few of them even have dueling MLS watermarks! So ridiculous.

I guess I am old fashioned, but when a real estate agent stands to earn take a $36,000 commission, I expect at least some effort on their part to make the home look good in the sales material.

That’s the primary listing photo for this Portland home.

These are the only other two photos on the listing.

The listing agent stands to “earn” a commission of over $8,000 should this sell near its list price of $275,000.

Why am I not an agent?

Crooked, blurry primary photo, taken from an odd angle? Check.

Weirdly-sparse, poorly-lit interior shot? Check.

Horribly exposed shot of the view, taken through a window with lots of distracting reflections? Check.

Death ray in the bathroom? Check.

Okay, looks like we’ve got everything. We’re ready to sell a five million dollar home in Malibu!

Sometimes you wonder if a listing agent was drunk when they uploaded the photos of the home they’re allegedly attempting to sell…

And drunk when they took the photos.

Actually, given the home’s decor…

…I can’t help but wonder if the residents were also drunk when they chose their furniture and accents.

So many questionable choices here.

Wow. This is the primary photo for this $360,000 “LOVELY NEW CONSTRUCTION TO BE BUILT.”

The amusing part is that the second photo is at least in focus (although there is a big shadow in the corner).

Here. Have a photo of the street.

And a truck I guess.

Just a typical 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in rural Georgia.

Blurry, tilted photos that look like they were shot on accident as the real estate agent wandered through the house looking for the bathroom.

Price tag: $89,900,000

But hey, if you buy with a Redfin agent you get a $1,051,830 commission refund! Sweet!

Straight from the listing agent’s description:

Must access thru adjacent unit 712, then thru hole in bsmt wall.

Um. What.

There is a front door… At least it certainly looks like there is. Why on Earth would I need to break into the adjacent unit then crawl through a hole in the basement wall?!?

Um, the blurry kitchen pic isn’t really helping here, guys.

Oh good. Another hole in the wall. Maybe this one leads to a magical kingdom!

Hey look at that, it’s our first posting to feature an office space for lease. That’s still a listing, so it totally counts.

I especially like how the listing brokerage is so proud of their work here that they put their name in GIANT BOLD ALL-CAPS in the listing.

SAIL REALTY

we can help you with all your rela estate needs

You would be forgiven for wondering why a dated, dingy, run-down, nondescript home in Aberdeen, WA…

…with a totally half-assed set of photos (I mean really—is it that hard to focus a camera?) would sport an asking price of half a million dollars.

Especially when similar homes nearby have recently sold for under $25,000.

Apparently the seller thinks that the fact that this home was one of “about 20 houses” lived in by Kurt Cobain somehow increases its value 20-fold.

Good luck with that.

Above you will find the primary listing photo for a $750,000 condo in San Francisco.

No, I don’t know what we’re looking at either.

Maybe the rest of the photos will be more illuminating…

Nope, just a hallway. And… another hallway.

And that’s it. That’s the entire set. I guess if you have to ask what the home actually looks like, you don’t deserve to actually buy it?

What.

What.

Nope.

The reader who spotted this listing summarized the photos well:

Very blurry with a side of extra glare.

Rather than telling me anything about the home, the only thing conveyed by these photos is that the listing agent should never be allowed to use a camera.

Flipping through these pictures I find myself instinctively rubbing my eyes, as if to remove the gunk that’s blurring my vision.

Price tag: $682,900. Presumed commission to be earned on the sale of this home by the listing agent that posted these photos: $20,487

Sure, there’s something to be said for truth in advertising…

…but at some point it starts to feel like you’re just rubbing it in.

I mean, this set goes on for thirty photos.

I actually rather like the style and era of the home, but holy cow would it take a lot of money to make it livable. Livable to someone who isn’t a complete slob, that is.

You’re looking at the only two photos for this 1.37 million-dollar waterfront listing in Long Beach, California.

From the listing description:

This is a truly must see to capture all the beauty this house has to offer!

“Must see,” because apparently the listing agent only had a 19th-century camera on hand to take the pictures. Wait, no…

Even photos taken in the 1800s look better than this listing.

It’s Looney Listing’s 100th post!

To celebrate, here’s a lovely home for sale in Phoenix with an asking price of $100K. It features many fine qualities such as the delightfully rustic gate latch shown above.

Also, if you buy this home you get what appears to be the remains of a disassembled heat pump.

A blurry kitchen!

A well-established algae farm!

Some cables I guess!

Here’s to many more hundreds of posts to come!

There appears to be some sort of heavy indoor haze throughout the entire set of photos for this listing, but the… um… basement (is that the basement?) seems to be the epicenter.

It’s hard to tell what is going on down here, but I have a serious suspicion that whatever it is, it isn’t savory.

Possible explanations for a listing agent posting photos this bad:

• Only time available to access the home was in the middle of an earthquake.
• Agent was drunk when shooting photos and when posting them to the MLS.
• Owner is attempting to hide valuable government secrets that clear photos would reveal.
• Um… Ghosts maybe?

Seriously, this is how some agents earn a paycheck. If you turned in work of this quality in virtually any other field you would be fired on the spot. What gives, real estate industry?

You really have to try hard to take a picture that terrible these days. Bonus points for the finger in the frame. At least I think that’s a finger. Who can tell really.

From the listing description:

The BEST views from every room! Italian Tuscan Custom Estate Architecture by Mark Gomm. Over 1800sf of covered loggias allow your guests to breathtakingly gape at Folsom Lake, American River, Mt Diablo & Sierras.

Breathtaking.

“Hey.”

“Whatcha doin’ in my house?”

“Just earning thousands of dollars in commission. Don’t worry, I’ll be out of here in about five minutes.”

This listing is chock full of gems, including:

Cord Hanging Out of Window

Panda on Pink Bed

I Think This is the Basement… Probably?

[Update: An astute reader pointed out that the last photo above features a baby’s high chair. Scary place to feed your child…]