Rawr.

It’s all in the details.

Behold! This home has a ceiling!

I have to know though: Do all the rad portrait paintings and the giant green table and chair set come with the $17 million price tag? Because if not, just forget it.

List price: $15,000

The weird thing is that it doesn’t look that bad in the primary photo:

This is one of those instances when maybe everyone would have been better off (or at least had fewer nightmares) if the listing agent had only included a single photo.

And here we have the lovely enclosed patio, where you can relax, enjoy good company, and maybe hang someone in effigy from the ceiling. You know, whatever you’re into.

If only those happy kids on the bench knew what kind of stuff was going on inside, they would run. You know, if they weren’t made of bronze, that is.

Hey it’s a books butler.

I could do without the effigy and the other odd statues, but I’d be happy to take the Corvette…

Lots of extra photos on the “virtual tour”.

Check out those groovy ’60s curves.

Inside is just as groovy, if perhaps a bit of a brick overload…

Those large white overhangs certainly make for an interesting effect inside.

If you live in the Chicago area, don’t expect this unique home to host an open house:

PRIOR TO CONFIRMED APPT PROSPECTIVE CLIENTS TO PROVIDE PROOF OF FUNDS TO LISTER!

You can tell they are serious because of the all-caps and the exclamation point.

As a man once said, “If the directions to your house include the words ‘Turn off the paved road,’ you might be a redneck.”

Addendum: Even if you live in a “castle.”

Or, rather, a caricature of a castle.

What self-respecting castle owner has garage doors in the front? Or even a garage, instead of a carriage house?

More in the caricature mode – simulated stone ramparts via gray brick and The. Worst. Ceiling. Mural. Ever.

There’s also some decorative multiple personality disorder going on.

Perhaps most odd, it’s in no-where northern Illinois and is accompanied by some sort of maintenance shed that’s as big as said “castle.”

[Note from Marty: The listing describes it as a “10,000 SF HEATED BARN WITH 8 HORSE STALLS.” The “castle” is 8,500 square feet. That’s one big barn.]

Just because you like castles and want a castle, doesn’t mean you should have a castle…

It looks so unassuming from the outside, but then once you step inside…

Lions!

And… um… mountain lions!

And polar bears!

Oh my.

I think this place may take the taxidermy crown from the Gig Harbor, WA home we featured a couple years ago.

Also, who keeps six buffet servers in their dining room? This place is creeping me out for a variety of reasons.

But hey, at least there’s this:

Yay, train! Probably not as awesome as the incredible “Railway Resort” in Oregon (which is still for sale, by the way, and $1.7 million cheaper than this place), but hey it’s a lot cooler than a bunch of dead animals.

So much brown in this home. Brown kitchen…

…brown dining room…

…and a super brown bedroom.

Even the exterior is mostly brown! Just looking at this place has me browned out.

Sometimes you wonder if a listing agent was drunk when they uploaded the photos of the home they’re allegedly attempting to sell…

And drunk when they took the photos.

Actually, given the home’s decor…

…I can’t help but wonder if the residents were also drunk when they chose their furniture and accents.

So many questionable choices here.

From submitter Spencer P.:

Circle the wagons! The sticker-faced yoga zombies are back!

The listing description claims there are “32-acres of picturesque pastures, woods and spring-fed lake,” but rather than focusing on the allegedly picturesque grounds, over half of the photos feature the sticker-face horde.

After about the third photo, it gets seriously creepy, but you’re not even halfway through.

Listed for $5 million as a “house for sale” on Zillow. The listing does not indicate whether or not zombie-fighting tools are included in the price.

Hope you like long, narrow spaces.

And stairs.

And… shoes.

Appropriate, since this little beauty has had to be “shoehorned” into a mere 30 foot wide, yet still prime location on Chicago’s Gold Coast.

From the listing description:

Space is currently home to a private members only club with full kitchen, 2 bathrooms, storage and several meeting rooms.

Well it’s not quite so “private” anymore now, is it? From the decor, I get the feeling that this was a “guys only” kind of club.

You can even check out the full floor plan of this swanky 2,700 square foot pad.

Doesn’t really look like they’re the most organized club of all time, either.

This 8,215 square foot castle in Wayne, Illinois sold on Halloween for $1,000,000.

It sits on 15 acres.

Also: It is awesome.

You can read more about the history of this home here.

Sadly, it has fallen into a bit of disrepair.

Here’s hoping the new owners will take good care of it.

Usually I try to mix things up geographically, but even though this home is just a few blocks away from the home we featured on Wednesday, I couldn’t resist it.

There’s only this one photo on the listing, but there is just so much to love about it. You’ve got the astroturf-covered front steps, the giant wall of tacky glass blocks that surround the front door, the paper notice taped to said wall, the large plants growing in the gutters, and the ominous outline of the home’s occupant just inside the door, looking back at the camera.

Winning!

Given the listing price of just $24,000, I assume that this home is in a rather frightening neighborhood. [Update: Confirmed. Murder risk 3x the national average, robbery risk 6x… yikes!] This might explain why the previous owner apparently left in such a hurry, scattering the contents of their desk all over the floor in their rush to vacate the premises.

What I really enjoyed about this (small) set of photos is how the rest of the house appears to be completely empty. Maybe the former occupant lived a very simple life and this was the only room they used?

Someone went to a lot of effort to give each of the rooms in this house a totally different theme.

In case you couldn’t read it, I believe that the text above the window in the first bedroom is “BOMBSHELL.” It’s partially obscured by what appears to be a disco ball though, so I can’t be certain.

From the reader who submitted this listing:

I can’t decide between the disco room or the pink room as my favorite. I only wish the pictures were larger.

Probably they didn’t want to risk the sheer power of these bedrooms shattering the lens in a more expensive camera.