The owner who built this home in 2003 has been trying to unload it since 2010, with no success. According to the listing agent’s website, although it was “previously priced at $6,500,000,” potential buyers can now “name your price.”

I’m docking points for the need to walk on the bowling lane to use the arcade games shown above.

Only one slide into the indoor pool? Sorry, that’s going to knock down my bid a little further.

Gee, that full-sized basketball court sure does have a lot of blue. I’m more partial to red. Going to have to repaint. Guess I’ll have to reduce my bit even more.

Folding chairs at the poker table? Yikes.

Okay, final bid: Five hundred bucks. Take it or leave it.

If you plan to outbid me, sealed bids are due by November 4, 2014 at 3:00 PM.

This rural Massachusetts church building has its own website: The Steeple

As the site’s name implies, they’re sort of obsessed with the steeple.

I have to admit though, the fact that they appear to have a still-functioning church bell is pretty awesome.

Not really sure what’s up with the black fixtures in the bathroom, though. Or why the bathroom is carpeted. Or why the bathroom has a large, non-frosted window to the neighboring room.

Oh also, did we forget to mention that The Steeple also comes with the Eye of Sauron? Don’t worry, you’ll barely notice him.

Can you find the furniture?

This elusive species has evolved to blend in with its habitat.

Note how well each of the individual pieces disguises itself to match its surroundings.

Still wary of potential predators as they arrive at the watering hole for a drink, these specimens utilize their expert camouflage to become virtually invisible.

Because home shouldn’t feel make you cozy, it should make you feel dizzy!

So many curves. So many colors…

I can barely handle the photos. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to actually step inside in real life.

Wow. Um… That’s one way to sell a house, I guess?

And that’s another way?

Okay um, what’s with the weird lines?

I hope you like rectangles.

Because this Boston-area mid-century modern is basically 100% rectangles.

Even most of the furniture is rectangular.

Much nicer photos than those on the listing, as well as a floor plan can be found on the virtual tour.

According to said virtual tour, this room is apparently the “office.” Nothing helps me be productive quite like sewage waste rushing down the pipes right next to my face while I work.

Other than this odd room, the home is quite nice.

From the listing description:

Mount Auburn Village is a friendly little community of just 14 custom condos, created within & beside historic 1899 stone church. It’s 3 miles west of Harvard Sq, & 1/3 mi. east of Watertown Sq, , in the ‘best part of town’.

From a Redfin agent who toured the home:

This unit in a converted church offers exceptional craftsmanship but a layout that doesn’t really work for most people. Smallish master bedroom and bath.Very odd addition of an electric fireplace.to grand room seems out of place. The bell tower unit is much more interesting.

Here’s the listing for the tower unit (which has just one bedroom).

I can definitely see the “exceptional craftsmanship” the Redfin agent talked about.

…and the odd layout.

You can find lots more photos on the virtual tour

Asking price: $14.5 million.

Looks like they raided the dumpster behind a modern art studio and just glued everything they found to the stairs.

Okay that’s a fun concept, but when you end up putting “stuff” up there, I think you’ve run out of ideas.

The listing describes this room as an “interactive space ship arcade for playing video games.” I don’t recognize it as the bridge of any specific fictional starship, but maybe I’m just not nerd enough?

This is definitely the coolest part of the house, in my opinion.

I imagine this as the money counting room. They put all the bills and coins on the table, sit in the bright red chairs, and count it all, one by one.

The listing description is what really brings home this “Make Me Move” listing:

A complete tear down, may have toxic substances, such as lead and lead paint, asbestos tiles, old paint spills, oil spills, huge amounts of scrap waste throughout the property including two decaying travel trailers, dozens of old tires, oil tank for the oil furnace won’t meet code, knob and tube wiring, foundation won’t meet code, unfinished ceilings in both bedrooms, mold in kitchen and bath and probably inside the walls. Best thing is the septic passed inspection, although we believe it was passed as a favor to us.

Bulldozing and burning the entire property probably won’t be enough to sterilize this toxic wasteland dump.

I certainly hope that all the problems with this property already made them move!

Heh, I love that they uploaded a “Photos unavailable at this time” image. Although I would have enjoyed seeing some of the toxic decaying scrap waste, too.

Wow that is the least-inviting condo building I’ve ever seen.

Oh wait, this photo isn’t actually the “sun-filled,” “well appointed” home being offered for sale? It’s actually a park located a full half mile away?

Well, surely the rest of the photos give us a good idea of what to expect from the $399,000 home, right?

Nope. That’s it. That’s all you get. The obelisk and a poorly-lit kitchen. Enjoy.

What I love about this one is how the model train occupying the entire attic just suddenly jumps out of an otherwise perfectly normal photo set.

Okay, a mostly normal photo set. I especially love the LP on the counter. Because the bathroom is where people keep their vinyl.

Um. What is on that bed? Is it a baby? A creepy fat doll? That’s one way to cut a tour short, I suppose. If I walked into a bedroom and saw that… thing staring me down, I’d be out of there right quick.

Also… what’s with the photo of the monolith in the back yard?

At least the home features a cool bathtub.

Well, cool-looking, anyway. Not sure how comfortable it would be to actually use.

Sure, there’s something to be said for truth in advertising…

…but at some point it starts to feel like you’re just rubbing it in.

I mean, this set goes on for thirty photos.

I actually rather like the style and era of the home, but holy cow would it take a lot of money to make it livable. Livable to someone who isn’t a complete slob, that is.

“Hey.”

“Whatcha doin’ in my house?”

“Just earning thousands of dollars in commission. Don’t worry, I’ll be out of here in about five minutes.”

This listing is chock full of gems, including:

Cord Hanging Out of Window

Panda on Pink Bed

I Think This is the Basement… Probably?

[Update: An astute reader pointed out that the last photo above features a baby’s high chair. Scary place to feed your child…]