with modern lines and materials both inside…

and outside.

But there is one teensy issue…

It not only sits next to an early 20th century craftsman style home, but in an entire sea of homes from the same era…

Yup, there’s nothing like undisguised indifference to your surroundings for securing a friendly introduction to your new neighbors. Good luck with that!

From the listing description:

An exquisite Grade II Listed Victorian 7 bedroomed, 8 bathroomed old rectory, the subject of a complete roof down restoration in recent years…

Here’s the outside of this 7-bedroom manse:

I don’t know, but when I think about “restoring” a home like that, I don’t think of ultra-tacky modern finishes like this:

But hey, at least they included a zebra.

Yours if you bring an “offer in region of £2,500,000” (~$3.76M). And it would probably only cost another $1M or so to strip out all that garbage and put in something tasteful and appropriate to the home. What a steal!

Is it supposed to look like the blue man is being shot? Because that is what it looks like to me.

Other than the interesting choice of sculpture out front, the home is your pretty typical multi-million-dollar modern mansion. Oh except that it’s in Oakland, which is another interesting choice.

What’s that old saying? Half a house is better than none? This place sure does look like it’s the result of a split-the-assets-down-the-middle divorce. I hope whoever kept this half got to keep his/her Ray Bans, too…

…because with loads of shiny materials, white walls, and a waterfront location in a sunny climate You. ARE. Going. To. Need. Them.

…and not just outside.

You arguably might need a pool, too, given the local temps. Too bad all you get is a hot tub. No nicely designed surroundings, though. But you do get a steam room! (O_o)

Oh, and what looks like an expansive sodalite stone island in the ground floor outdoor kitchen. It’s visually cooling, but yeah… no. For a Miami house who’s price has risen eight fold in less than two years, you really do need a pool.

[addendum by Marty] – Also: lizard!

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I hope you like rectangles.

Because this Boston-area mid-century modern is basically 100% rectangles.

Even most of the furniture is rectangular.

Much nicer photos than those on the listing, as well as a floor plan can be found on the virtual tour.

According to said virtual tour, this room is apparently the “office.” Nothing helps me be productive quite like sewage waste rushing down the pipes right next to my face while I work.

Other than this odd room, the home is quite nice.

From the listing agent’s description:

Seldom will you find such distinctive, contemporary flair.

Slot machine in the dining room? That’s definitely distinctive.

Where do you even find furniture like that?

Check out the giant high-heel chair. Wowzers.

It’s the little details that make this place so amazing. Like the towel rack that’s held up by a pair of hands. Or the hairy face hand mirror on the counter.

Okay I will admit to lusting after that garage though. Dang.

Okay, so it’s a modern concrete and glass box, floating on the water. I can dig.

Cool arched hallway, can’t say I’d enjoy keeping it clean, though.

The inside feels a bit cold and impersonal, but hey if that’s what floats your boat (or your house, as the case may be)…

Whoa. Um. What? Boom: Backyard Gypsy Wagon out of nowhere.

Apparently the current owner of this home really likes watching movies. Alone.

And they’re not just watching movies in their lonely home theater. They’ve got a TV embedded in the bathroom mirror…

And one in the enormous walk-in closet.

I can’t find one actually in the shower, but maybe it’s camouflaged to blend into that crazy tile work?

This home also comes with a swell bonus feature: color-changing walls! Note the large wood wall on the left of this photo. Now it’s pine…

…now it’s cherry!

Sometimes though, you’ve had enough TV and color-changing walls, and you just want to sit down and stare outside.

Alone, of course.

Modern living: pods inside your house!

This home has it all… Kitchen pod.

Closet pod.

Bedroom pod.

Laundry room pod.

Pod it up.