Just 22 minutes from downtown Portland, this $7.2 million manse has pretty much everything…

Outside, it’s all castle. Inside…

…it’s also castle.

Except when it’s desert oasis.

Or Arabic domes.

Or giant… ceiling… compass?

Okay, back to castle.

Nope, just kidding. Time for a modern theater.

Or how about this rainbow workout room?

Okay let’s close on the castle watchtower.

It’s certainly nice, but you’d think they would be able to decide on just one style.

The back porch is even better.

The open plan living room/kitchen/dining has great potential.

And the bathroom is fantastic.

If only you didn’t have to look at the outside to get to the inside…

According to the listing, it’s a “rare, beautiful new build… with all the attention and care given to match the neighborhood.” So, how does one do that when the final product doesn’t match any known style?

That’s the primary listing photo for this Portland home.

These are the only other two photos on the listing.

The listing agent stands to “earn” a commission of over $8,000 should this sell near its list price of $275,000.

Why am I not an agent?

Sixteen photos of this $2.5 million listing, only one of which contains even a glimpse of the house itself. Instead, you get baby raccoons.

Oh right, you also get ridiculously-zoomed-in MEGA mountains.

The last “photo” on the listing urges you to “Click on the VIRTUAL TOUR link for many additional photos.” If you do, you don’t get any more photos of the actual $2.5 million house, but you do get this:

Mystical!

The photos themselves are quite nice, but with an asking price of two million dollars, wouldn’t you want to show potential buyers… you know… the actual unit for sale?

I mean, it’s a nice weight room, and a nice-looking sauna, sure.

But really? Just eight pictures and zero of them showing the actual penthouse for sale? Come on.

This reader-submitted home has some… interesting decor choices, but the upstairs bedroom shown above is definitely my favorite.

This bathroom is pretty great too though:

Love the curtains that match the wallpaper.

Also, what’s up with the creepy shed out back with the blacked-out windows?

I’m sure nothing nefarious at all happens there.

What a bathroom.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you love to prepare your next dinner… here?

Or lying down for a refreshing night’s sleep… here?

Or… um… well okay I’m not really sure what you’d do in this room, even if it weren’t covered in filth.

All this for only $300,000! What a steal!

Other apparently really important features of this home include:

Fish Tile

Forest Tile