Cool art, bro.

Dig that all-black kitchen with the metal buck bust.

I’m not sure if the bedroom is really that red. Might just be the photo processing. On the other hand…

Obviously the bro that’s selling this loft is a fan of red.

Ooh… it even has a cool castley type door!

OK, the “throne room” is a bit tacky, but at least it’s in keeping with the theme.

Wait a sec… this hand carved wood is probably supposed to be a wolf, but it sure looks like Anubis, Egyptian guardian of the underworld. Huh…

And this kinda reminds me of… an indoor gallows room?

I’m not sure I want to know where that lower stair leads, let alone… This Terrifying Tunnel!

A dungeon? Really? That’s carrying the theme a bit far, don’t you think?

What do you mean, there’s “more”? Oh no no no no no… not a… Subterranean Sacrificial Altar!!

Sweet Jesus, there’s even a convenient drain!

How’s that? It’s really just an old brewery?

Well, OK. But if I promise never to drink beer again, can you promise me I’ll never have to go inside it? Please?!

That’s an… interesting floor.

Okay let’s be clear here. This is a freakin’ mansion.

With a list price over $6 million.

The photo selection is a bit odd, though.

Obviously the agent is really proud of all the detail work.

I mean really proud.

Oh, and the view.

Also: guess who got their hands on a “drone” and engaged in some illegal commercial activities with it?

If you guessed “the listing agent and/or photographer of this home,” you win!

With an asking price of 18 million dollars, you’d expect to be impressed—even in San Francisco, where a mediocre 1,100 square-foot row house goes for over a million bucks. Fortunately, this listing does indeed impress.

From the description:

Originally constructed in 1902 as a stunning replica of the Le Petit Trianon in Versailles France, 3800 Washington Street is San Francisco Landmark 95 and one of the City’s most grand estates.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about the original Petit Trianon:

Upon his accession to the throne in 1774, the 20-year-old Louis XVI gave the château and its surrounding park to his 19-year-old Queen Marie Antoinette for her exclusive use and enjoyment. Marie longed to escape Louis and his court, and he gave her just the place… Marie Antoinette thought of the Petit Trianon as a ‘sacred place’, so she never had visitors. Swiss guards, gardeners, and maids never followed her there.

It doesn’t seem like this version would be much of an “escape,” given its placement on just over half an acre smack in the middle of Presidio Heights. Although Presidio Heights is “San Francisco’s most exclusive neighborhood” according to the listing agent, so there is that.

Most listings where the listing agent uses terms like “grand,” “soaring,” “copious,” “stunning,” and “irreplaceable” are barely even worth one such superlative.

I don’t think it’s going out on much of a limb to say that this listing is an exception to that rule.

Submitted by Emerald63, who says:

Behind the Green Door… are lots of green paintings

Lots and lots of green accents. Green paintings, green pillows, green headboards…

More green paintings…

And even more green paintings.

It’s all green and white, all the time at this $10 million home.

It starts off innocently enough with an indoor forest…

Gradually escalates to a guy watching you sleep…

Then… jumps straight down the throat of interior design Hell.

Just in case you hadn’t already realized it, this place outright tells you it has “Everything You Want”

And folks, this is just the tip of the iceberg – there are over 70 gloriously eye-popping listing photos, including the ubiquitous San Francisco mansion view of Alcatraz.

Modern living: pods inside your house!

This home has it all… Kitchen pod.

Closet pod.

Bedroom pod.

Laundry room pod.

Pod it up.

I’m not sure which thought is more creepy, that they would photograph the wine cellar with a butler posing at-the-ready, or that it might actually be a wax sculpture, not a real person.

Personally, I’d much rather have C-3PO serving my wine than the guy in the first photo.

What I love about these photos is that it’s really not clear here whether the home owner is actually trying to sell their ($12M) home, or if they just wanted to show off all their cool toys online.

Above you will find the primary listing photo for a $750,000 condo in San Francisco.

No, I don’t know what we’re looking at either.

Maybe the rest of the photos will be more illuminating…

Nope, just a hallway. And… another hallway.

And that’s it. That’s the entire set. I guess if you have to ask what the home actually looks like, you don’t deserve to actually buy it?

Wait, are they selling a house, or the Palace of Fine Arts Theatre?

Oh, wait. Apparently they’re selling a light fixture.

I can see how these things could be easily confused.

From the listing description:

This stunning property provides 4487 square feet of living space with 5 generous bedrooms and 4 luxurious bathes.

Only one of the “4 luxurious bathes” contain a ShowerDog but it’s not included in the $2,160,000 list price.

Where are the beds? YOU CAN’T SEE THEM!

Hidden sofa is hidden.

Whoa, cool outdoor dining room… HEY WAIT A MINUTE.

I’m assuming that this photograph features the kids’ room, but you really can’t be sure. Maybe the owners just have some kind of alien fetish?

Also, do you like that gloopy, dripping paint look?

Of course you do. You’re running for your checkbook right now so you can drop $1.2 million on this home ASAP.

BOOM! Surprise swordfish!

Okay so the up-close shot of the light is a bit odd too.

And um… I guess they’re really proud of their soap presentation or something.

But the real highlight of this one is definitely the swordfish.

All of the rest of the photos on this listing are perfectly normal, but for some reason they chose this odd closeup of the door knocker flipped up as the primary photo.

Maybe it has some sort of code meaning that’s only evident to San Francisco residents who are in the market for an $800,000 2-bedroom condo?

From the listing description:

World Champion Giants home right down the street! This one is a winner

Winning!

Wow that is a lot of white. I wonder if they provide complimentary ski goggles for visitors.

This is also the third appearance of the bubble chair. Weird.

From the photos it looks like there are at least three separate guard posts along the top of this home (plus solar panels!). $2.2 million is a small price to pay to be fully prepared when the zombie apocalypse arrives in San Francisco.

This is one of two total photos for this listing. The other photo is the same shot, right-side-up.