As long as you don’t need a bathroom, or a kitchen, or parking, this tiny beach retreat in Seattle is perfect!

From the description:

Dream come true, yours for the taking! LEVITATING LIGHTHOUSE is a treehouse built on the bluff. Breathtaking city, mountain & sound views- this property is one of a kind! Built by & featured on Treehouse Masters. The levitating lighthouse is your recreation retreat. Everything stays. Go crabbing & salmon fishing. Rainwater catchment purification system. In the city but far away. Home featured on Treehouse Masters and written about in several articles.

Of course, there is some fine print…

Financing not available.

So, cash-only for this waterfront shack.

Oh, there’s also the minor issue that the city of Seattle may may demand that the treehouse be demolished.

But the city has its own problem with the property: It turns out [Property owner Ronald] Rae and the show host who built it, King County resident and renowned treehouse builder Pete Nelson, never got permits to put up the treehouse, which sits east of where several Magnolia homes were destroyed in a landslide in 1996.

After Animal Planet’s episode aired in 2014, the city sued Rae, saying the structure was too elaborate to be considered a childlike treehouse typically exempt from the building code, and it was on a steep hill next to the water. He was ordered to pay a $10,000 fine and get the permits to bring the 280-square-foot treehouse properly up to code by the end of this March.

If he can’t pass the city’s inspections, he’ll have to demolish the treehouse, according to the city. Otherwise he faces a $100,000 fine.

That would be a shame. The article is from January, but I can’t find any more recent information about whether the city has approved the treehouse or not.

Animal Planet has a nice video of the building:

The Seattle TV station KING 5 also featured the treehouse:

…and about as small as one, too.

It’s so small – “How small is it?” – you can’t even see it from the street.

No, not the white one. The one lurking behind all the foliage on the left. So much for “curb appeal.”

It’s so small, you can see 90% of the interior in this one photo:

It’s so small, that path around the bed is all there is to the bedroom.

It’s so small, you can see one end of the front room from the kitchen and the other through the far bedroom door. Here’s a better look:

And…. Tha, Tha, That’s All Folks!

Well, OK, there is an extra room.

But the house is so small, the extra room is all the way out back…

…in an even smaller building!

The only thing not in on the “How small is it?” contest is the price. Or it was. The property sold for $350,000. And there ain’t no button in the world that cute.

With a great playground just across the street…

A nicely refinished living/dining room…

And even a master bedroom with a fireplace…

And then… you discover… The Basement!   ~ Shriek! ~

What do you mean, it’s not the set of a Vincent Price movie? You mean it’s like this all the time?! AGGGH!!!

Nothing says “welcome home” quite like HDR mold, rot, and CAUTION tape.

I love how they cranked up the HDR so high that the dead brown grass looks like it’s glowing a bright yellow color.

The ridiculously overdone HDR amplifies every little defect, even in the least-terrible-looking room in the house.

Seriously, this place looks like some kind of Siberian prison.

List price on this 1,840 square foot rathole: Six hundred thousand dollars.

And it went pending after only nine days on the market.

Welcome to Seattle!

I mean, that’s a pretty good size building after all.

What, the price is for only part of the building? OK. Um, how much of it?

492 square feet? Wait… wait… you’re telling me you want a quarter of a million dollars for a… a… a shoe box?

That’s it? that’s all there is? For how much?!

And I thought $1,000 for a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes was extreme. At least there’s a commensurate shoe box to go with them in Seattle.

And in case it didn’t quite do the trick, you can always show an interior…

…then go back to the view.

Repeatedly…

And why not toss in an extra, beyond hi-def view, just for the heck of it?

with modern lines and materials both inside…

and outside.

But there is one teensy issue…

It not only sits next to an early 20th century craftsman style home, but in an entire sea of homes from the same era…

Yup, there’s nothing like undisguised indifference to your surroundings for securing a friendly introduction to your new neighbors. Good luck with that!

This is described by the local “alternative” rag The Stranger as “the Gayest House in Seattle.”

The shots of the flamingos on the TVs inside are a nice touch.

The interior decor is a lot more subtle than the exterior. All in all it actually seems like a nice little place, flamingos aside.

We just really don’t like the guy, okay?

What?

The rest of the house is actually quite nice.

Looks like a pretty sweet view.

I especially loved this hallway with bookshelves built into the walls.

Too bad they had to commit the sin of the mega mountain cliché. I guarantee the mountain doesn’t look anywhere near that big in person.

Get ready to catch your eyeballs as they pop out!

Redrum!

Don’t like red so much? Not to worry…

Don’t like solids?

Also not to worry…

Don’t like any of it? Try this…

Believe it or not, this is a 1,200 sqft 1 bed/1.5 bath 1940 houseboat! And it (along with a studio and guest house) could have been all be yours for a mere $1.4M.

Okay I for one think it would be awesome to have gargoyles on my front steps.

Plus, the house they’re guarding is amazing:

Yeah, I’m pretty much in love with this home.

If you click through to the photos on the Windermere listing for this home, you’ll find more details about the home’s history from its grammar-challenged listing agent:

Built an 1892, as seattle’s rebuilding itself after the great fire of 1889, designed by renowned Victorian architect Thomas Bird, mandated to design a residence of grape portions and coffin of opulence, suitable to the owners perceive standing in the burgeoning Seattle elite. A bold statement of the promise the machine age, a declaration of entrepreneurial palace, masterfully masculine, meticulously reincarnated and painstakingly restored of the last 15 years by its current owner. It’s 5,500+ square feet of commanding Eastlake-Victorian architecture has been lovingly amplified with over $300,000 in period or period-appropriate restorative work.

Can’t say I’ve ever heard the phrase “coffin of opulence” before. And “grape portions”? Really?

There is quite a bit of beautiful hardwood in this home, though.

Interesting mix of old and new in this bathroom with the wood walls and all-glass shower cube.

Oh, and did I mention there’s a hot tub?

With a view?

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy a few lottery tickets…

Setting aside the chicken obsession, the quality of the photos in this particular set is actually quite nice.

The listing description is pretty funny though:

Quintessential jewel box cottage in bucolic arboreal setting, saturated w/ light & outcharming the competition by a mile. Fulfill all of your Martha fantasies: … All organic vegetable garden awaits spring planting + flowers galore in this prof landscaped oversized lot. And did I mention the chickens??

I’m not sure how this home will help me fulfill my Martha fantasies… never mind.

Sold in April for $785,000.

If that seems like a lot of money for a 3-bed, 1.75-bath house on a 6,000 square foot lot, just remember… chickens!

A little tasteful HDR can make for some good-looking listing photos.

Unfortunately, the HDR applied to the photos of this listing is neither “a little” nor “tasteful.”

This would be a truly terrifying reality to live in.

The exterior shots are the least-terrifying of the set, but even those have an almost cartoon-like feel to them.

If I were the seller of this $1.2 million home, I would fire the listing agent and the photographer immediately. These photos are a bad joke.

740 square feet. Sold last month for $125,000 in Seattle, Washington.

100% covered in garbage.

I like how the box from the microwave in the second photo above is still just lying around the house in the third photo.

It’s bad luck to open an umbrella indoors, but I think that’s the least of this person’s problems.

Typically when you’re trying to sell your home, it’s a good idea to take down your family photos. I guess when your family photo is seven feet tall and embedded in the wall, that’s not an easy proposition.

Overall this is actually a very nice house (on a rather small lot) and well-done photos, but there is something that seems… off.

Either the TV in the photo above and the sinks in the photo below are abnormally wide or there’s some serious stretching going on to make this home appear more spacious than it really is.

Which seems like it would be unnecessary for a $1.75 million home with well over 4,000 square feet.

$3.68 million. That’s one valuable graffiti seahorse.

Okay so it’s an entire 5-story building in downtown Seattle.

Still, what’s with these photos?

Okay that art is kinda cool I guess? I love that someone started painting that wall and just gave up partway through.

But look! Someone made a concept sketch of what it could look like if you poured millions more into the building. SOLD.

Straight from the listing agent’s description:

Must access thru adjacent unit 712, then thru hole in bsmt wall.

Um. What.

There is a front door… At least it certainly looks like there is. Why on Earth would I need to break into the adjacent unit then crawl through a hole in the basement wall?!?

Um, the blurry kitchen pic isn’t really helping here, guys.

Oh good. Another hole in the wall. Maybe this one leads to a magical kingdom!

Listing says “Architectural Plans and Valid Permit avail. for the new purchaser,” but um… I think the seller and I may have different definitions of “architectural plans.”

“Lost Steam in the Dream” I especially like the vaguely humanoid figures on the porch.

So do we get to see the actual home at all?

Um, okay. So there’s that.

The above photo is the only one in this listing’s set of eight pictures that shows any part of the actual house.

The rest of the shots are just pictures of the surrounding mountains and power lines at various zoom levels.

I do like the artsy feeling of that chair photo, but I’m not sure it’s great for marketing at $365,000 home.

Oooo-kay then. Not exactly how I would decorate my bedroom, but to each his or her own, I suppose.

Perhaps the home is actually occupied by a robot. That would explain the metal fruit on the dining table. And maybe the giant workout model things are some sort of study material meant to inspire the robot to improve its similarity to the humans before it launches the final assault to overthrow humanity and enslave us all.

Seems like it would be a little difficult to relax in the living room when you’ve got a featureless figure lurking just around the corner.

Let’s check out some other part of the house.

Ahh, much better. Although I’m not really sure what a shot of a table with some flowers on it is really supposed to tell us about the house itself…

Bonus feature: Apparently it’s no biggie if you flood the bathtub.

The reader who spotted this listing summarized the photos well:

Very blurry with a side of extra glare.

Rather than telling me anything about the home, the only thing conveyed by these photos is that the listing agent should never be allowed to use a camera.

Flipping through these pictures I find myself instinctively rubbing my eyes, as if to remove the gunk that’s blurring my vision.

Price tag: $682,900. Presumed commission to be earned on the sale of this home by the listing agent that posted these photos: $20,487

Whoever staged and photographed this home was really proud of themselves.

I mean, really, really proud. Of their suitcases. And their books. And the white cat on the white sofa slipcover.

Seriously, of the fifteen photos on this listing, only about half feature the home itself. The other half are just close-up shots of the pretty staging.

I mean, those cupcakes do look delicious, but typically I browse real estate listings because I want to see the homes, not the pomegranates.

Hey wait a minute! Are those the same cupcakes that were inside on the dresser? I call shenanigans!

What.

What.

What.

Oh and don’t bother cleaning up or anything.

It’s not like you’re asking strangers to spend nearly half a million dollars on this place or someth—oh, wait.

Spotted by a reader.

Whoa.

Some digging through public records and Google reveals that the current owner is apparently a professional Disco Installer.

That is a seriously dense collection of disco equipment.

Um, yeah. So, there’s that. I guess it’s important not to forget.

Aside from the… interesting choice of bathroom decor, it’s a little hard to tell in this listing what’s for sale.

Is it a home or a bunch of tastefully-arranged furniture?

Also, after seeing the bathroom, I’m really curious what this neon pink sign says, but I can’t make out the word from just the last three letters.

Any ideas?

Park your butt and get some work done.

I have to say, I don’t really understand the point of photos like these that almost exclusively feature furniture, decor, and other items that won’t be sold with the home.

Cool table! Now I’m totally going to buy this home!

On the other hand, when this is the most exciting shot of the home itself that you can come up with…

I can see why you would prefer to feature the decor instead.

Rubber chickens. On plates (on plates on plates). At the dinner table.

Expert staging for the win.

Sold in January for $367,000.

Seattle Washington, ladies and gentlemen.

It’s like a grisly freeway wreck. I want to look away, but I just can’t.

I’m not sure which is more disturbing… That anyone actually lives like this, or that someone paid over a third of a million dollars for what is basically a small landfill.

To wrap up our impromptu “Out of Place HDR” week on Looney Listing, let’s behold this gem, also in Seattle, with an asking price of over half a million dollars.

I especially like how in the above photo the light on the ceiling is far brighter in the full-wall mirror than it is in the foreground. Magic physics!

Nothing says “let’s cozy up and watch some TV” like boxes piled to the ceiling. Oh and no furniture to sit on because there isn’t room for any furniture among all the clutter. So cozy!