That’s certainly an interesting piece of sculpture, and it appears a lot in this photo set. It seems odd that the listing photos would focus so much on a piece of art when the home itself is… well, have a look for yourself:

Apparently burritos are good business.

Never before on the market, this exceptional contemporary home was originally built for Steve Ells, founder of Chipotle.

Not surprisingly for someone in the restaurant business, this place has one of the nicest kitchens I’ve ever seen.

Here’s the other side of the kitchen, and a conspicuous shot of that sculpture again:

And of course what rich person’s modern home listing would be complete without the obligatory shot of the pristine garage with their sexy luxury cars?

Okay, back to the sculpture again.

Also: I hear some of you on this site like… stairs?

All right, let’s close it up with yet another shot of that sculpture.

There are lots more great photos on the virtual tour. Just beware, that link auto-plays a dumb video by default. Click “Photos->All” on the upper-left to stop the music and get to the pictures.

This home has it all! Something for everyone. The “art” lover…

The garden lover…

The high-energy kids…

The high energy adults…

…wait a minute, is that a stripper pole in the workout room?

Anyway, moving on…

It’s got a castle for the little princess…

…and a sweet arcade room for the gamers.

Of course, for $34.5 million dollars, it had better have something for everyone. With nine bedrooms, seventeen bathrooms, and 14,563 square feet there should be space to fit pretty much anything you can imagine.

Still, it’s nice to see a friendly face because, other than him, this place looks like it ought to belong to Iron Man. You know – Tony Stark.

OK, so there are a few splashes of color…

But even the dog doesn’t rate anything exciting. Hopefully he’s friendly.

Then again, his name is Italian for “scam.”

So… how about that Listing Butler?!

In the dining room…

Even in the hallway…

Well, until you hit the home theater. It’s… um… different…

The busts are of Greek and Roman origin. Some are even of famous philosophers. But the theater is an Egyptian tomb reborn… with a dozen gold thrones seats. And a totally creepy black obelisk.

Even so, the Egyptian theater may not sport the weirdest decor. At least Greek, Roman, and Egyptian are all ancient. But this…?

Definitely a “Wait… what?” moment. I dunno, maybe the dolls count as sorta busts?

Other than this somewhat excessive fountain, this listing is a relatively normal $4.5 million Washington DC home.

Honey, I shrunk the listings butler!

Wow, these are some pretty bad photos.

What kind of agent lists a $2.2 million house with photos this terrible?

Oh. That kind of agent, I guess.

And here we have the lovely enclosed patio, where you can relax, enjoy good company, and maybe hang someone in effigy from the ceiling. You know, whatever you’re into.

If only those happy kids on the bench knew what kind of stuff was going on inside, they would run. You know, if they weren’t made of bronze, that is.

Hey it’s a books butler.

I could do without the effigy and the other odd statues, but I’d be happy to take the Corvette…

Lots of extra photos on the “virtual tour”.

You’re looking at the primary photo for this cheap Dallas condo. I’m not sure if the condo is hiding in the bush behind the dapper statue, or what exactly is going on here.

From the listing description:

Copperfield is the Best Kept Secret in Lake Highlands. Beautifully-treed and landscaped community with private and professional security. Community Mailbox, Clubhouse and Pool. Nothing to do but move-in and start enjoying the easy life.

Apparently “how to take decent listing photos” is also one of the best kept secrets in Lake Highlands.

The listings butler strikes again! Er, well, his Spanish cousin does, anyway.

What I don’t get about this listing is how the same listing can feature this photo:

And then this one:

Really? They couldn’t even manage to level the camera? Sheesh.

Also, FYI. You’re basically a nobody if your 10,000 square foot estate doesn’t have a wall-mounted shark.

And a zebra rug in the wine cellar.

The more you know.

From the submitter:

This one has an Elvis tribute room, a cow kitchen and lots of statuary! What a bizarre mix of curiosities.

Indeed, quite bizarre.

I guess they’re Elvis-loving dairy fiends?

Who also really dig houseplants.

And hang out with cherubs.

This guy pops up in the weirdest places.

Speaking of weird places…

Seems a bit odd to keep your kid’s / grandkid’s chair on top of the media center.

Okay I for one think it would be awesome to have gargoyles on my front steps.

Plus, the house they’re guarding is amazing:

Yeah, I’m pretty much in love with this home.

If you click through to the photos on the Windermere listing for this home, you’ll find more details about the home’s history from its grammar-challenged listing agent:

Built an 1892, as seattle’s rebuilding itself after the great fire of 1889, designed by renowned Victorian architect Thomas Bird, mandated to design a residence of grape portions and coffin of opulence, suitable to the owners perceive standing in the burgeoning Seattle elite. A bold statement of the promise the machine age, a declaration of entrepreneurial palace, masterfully masculine, meticulously reincarnated and painstakingly restored of the last 15 years by its current owner. It’s 5,500+ square feet of commanding Eastlake-Victorian architecture has been lovingly amplified with over $300,000 in period or period-appropriate restorative work.

Can’t say I’ve ever heard the phrase “coffin of opulence” before. And “grape portions”? Really?

There is quite a bit of beautiful hardwood in this home, though.

Interesting mix of old and new in this bathroom with the wood walls and all-glass shower cube.

Oh, and did I mention there’s a hot tub?

With a view?

If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go buy a few lottery tickets…

I imagine that there might exist a more extravagant home game room than this, but I’ve certainly never seen anything else that comes close. This one’s so big it took two more photos just to capture it all.

But that’s just the beginning of what this home has to offer…

Yup, that’s a home theater modeled after the bridge of the Enterprise from Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Borg Bar.

The parts of the home that aren’t in geek overdrive mode are certainly interesting as well.

Gotta love the very formal table setting paired with that modern art and a life-sized samurai statue.

Ooh! More classy art above the bed! It would appear that becoming ridiculously rich often causes one to lose all sense of good taste.

And just for good measure, let’s throw in a pirate-themed video game room. Because why not.

This place easily beats out the Indiana home with the Star Wars / Alien / Predator themed entertainment space for the crazy excess + terribly mismatched decor prize. Of course, it costs nearly eight times as much, so I guess it should?

Every day can be a party when you fill your home with statues.

I mean like every room.

Everywhere.

There’s no such thing as “too many statues.” …or is there?!?

Even the back yard is full of statues. It’s a non-stop 24/7 pool party.

The seller of this home is either a big fan of Duane Hanson Sculpture or perhaps his grandma just wouldn’t get out of the shot.

Also, they’re really quite fond of their pool. It seems like half the shots are the pool. I mean, that is a pretty majestic seahorse.

It seems like they couldn’t choose a theme for the pool though. We’ve got the seahorse, some topless mermaids, a dragon, an elephant, and a panther all surrounding the pool. Quite an odd collection.

I hope you like purple, because there is a lot of it in this house.

Wait, does anyone actually live in this house? Nobody actually has a closet that organized, do they?

Gotta love listings that prominently feature photos of the random statuary.

Horses and topless girls go together like peanut butter and jelly, apparently.

Look in on your liquor collection from outdoors! Because you can!

This last one is actually the first photo on the listing. The really odd part about it is that it looks sort of weathered, like it’s a photograph of a computer screen or something instead of just a screenshot.

Seems like it would be a little difficult to relax in the living room when you’ve got a featureless figure lurking just around the corner.

Let’s check out some other part of the house.

Ahh, much better. Although I’m not really sure what a shot of a table with some flowers on it is really supposed to tell us about the house itself…

Bonus feature: Apparently it’s no biggie if you flood the bathtub.

Hrm. Not sure what this is supposed to convey about the home for sale. But okay.

Hey, maybe real horses aren’t your thing? How about a horse statue?

Horses not your thing at all? Okay, how about a painted lion statue?

I know I for one have always wanted to emulate the feeling of being hunted by an apex predator whenever I look out my back door.

Nobody can accuse this home of being just like everything else on the market, that’s for sure. From the lead photo of the contemplative statue staring out at the water to the giant mural that appears to take up an entire two-story wall, this home definitely stands out.

From the description:

Live in a work of art on Riviera Beach! For the unique person who appreciates beauty & distinction.

No doubt.

Nothing like a pair of golden lions guarding the front door to say: “Welcome, visitors! Here’s hoping you don’t meet a gruesome fate inside these walls.”

Oh, wait. Looks like they’re just guarding the Beverly Hills Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.