I feel like calling this a “1 bedroom property” is a bit of a stretch.

From the description:

It is believed that Buckland Court Stables was built in the early 1800s as part of the grounds of the grand mansion, Buckland Court. Having been left to deteriorate over many decades and then eventually converted into garages in the 1980s, we are offering the opportunity to restore the central tower to it’s former glory and convert it into a unique residential accommodation, subject to planning.

Yours for just £195,000 ($294,000)!

Just $45 million (£30 million) for this super-tasteful London condo.

Forget photo slideshows. Cross-faded borderless collages are where it’s at.

It’s the real estate wave of the future.

I… Um… What?

Not even going to ask what those things hanging on the wall on the left are.

The listing agent’s remark that this home “is in need of major improvement” seems to be a bit of an understatement.

A room with nothing but a disheveled bookcase in it? Nope, nothing creepy about that AT ALL.

From the listing description:

An exquisite Grade II Listed Victorian 7 bedroomed, 8 bathroomed old rectory, the subject of a complete roof down restoration in recent years…

Here’s the outside of this 7-bedroom manse:

I don’t know, but when I think about “restoring” a home like that, I don’t think of ultra-tacky modern finishes like this:

But hey, at least they included a zebra.

Yours if you bring an “offer in region of £2,500,000” (~$3.76M). And it would probably only cost another $1M or so to strip out all that garbage and put in something tasteful and appropriate to the home. What a steal!

The rest of the flat is fairly pedestrian, but whoa, that hallway.

Why? Just why?

No idea what’s with the random turtle shot in the middle of this £2.75 ($4.36) million listing.

This UK manse was apparently owned by British star Kate Bush from 1985 to 2003, and is named after her debut single.

There’s nothing particularly remarkable about this ordinary £134,950 (about $215,000) 3-bedroom house in Leeds, which is apparently why the owners decided to create this lovely pretend view.

This house is incredible.

I’m just not sure that it’s all the good kind of incredible.

Is that furniture in the home theatre… glowing?

Classy! That’s exactly what I would want hanging over my living room.

Okay, that pool is definitely the good kind of incredible. Can’t say I’ve ever seen such a fancy, upscale pool in a private residence before.

All this can be yours for only 77 million dollars!

You literally can’t get more waterfront than this—360 degrees of waterfront, located just 1 hour from London!

From the listing description:

Number 1, The Thames, otherwise known as Grain Tower Battery, was built around 1855. … The property is of course in need of complete renovation but could be transformed into almost anything (STPP) – a private residence, an off shore hotel, a houseboat community, outdoor pursuit centre, film location, nightclub, casino to name a few!

And in case you’re having a hard time imagining some of those possibilities, they’ve included some helpful renderings:

Personally I’d go for the classy, see-through pub:

More from the listing:

Planted on a spit of land on the Isle of Grain, it can only be reached at low tide. The bomb-proof 150 year-old estuary gun emplacement is a kilometre off the Isle of Grain shore at the strategically important point where the Thames meets the Medway. The original tower is similar in design to the Martello towers which were first constructed as a defence against Napoleon in the early 19th Century.

So… parking might be a slight issue, but you’re set for home security.

This very unique property can be yours for just £500,000 (about $830,000)!

• pink cabinets: check
• pink rug: check
• pink pillows: check
• pink microwave: check
• pink teapot: check
• pink toaster: check
• pink ladle: check
• pink sink: check
• pink bucket: check

• pink table: check
• pink trash can: check

• pink sheets: check
• pink curtains: check
• pink lamp: check
• pink whatever-those-are-under-the-black-table: check

That is a lot of pink.

Thankfully, all the pink apparently leaves with the current occupant:

Offered unfurnished…

Phew. That was a close one.

Surprise! for your 40th birthday, we decided to sell your house!

Also: We got you this pink car!

The property would make an ideal investment purchase and may suit a first time buyer. Viewings are recommended.

Size: 79.87 square feet.

This is an attic closet. How is this a home for sale. For over $100,000 (£65,000).

This one was sent to me by a reader just last week, but has unfortunately since been pulled from the market.

So if you were hoping to buy an absolutely hideously decorated pad in Cheshire East, I am sorry to disappoint you.

Seriously. What were they thinking.

Perhaps the people who live here are colorblind. Or maybe they are totally blind and the employees at the furniture store who sold them all of these pieces are all having a right jolly laugh over their joke.

What more is there to say about a combination sitting room / bathroom.

Whoever owns this place certainly has… interesting tastes.

It looks like a flamingo exploded in here.

It seems as though one of this property’s many outbuildings is dedicated entirely to suit storage.

And yet even that is not enough space, as the suits overflow into the sitting room.

Also, there’s this bathroom:

The sink built into the window ledge is a neat feature, though.

There’s not really anything too noteworthy about this run-down, 139-year-old house in Teddington, UK…

Well, nothing except maybe this bit from the listing agent’s description:

The rear garden measures approximately 50ft in depth and has significant width. It is important to note that the previous owners last wishes were to be buried in this garden, which is where both currently rest.

So there’s that.

This is the “Bedroom with en suite shower” described in the listing.

Um… I’m pretty sure “en suite” means “attached to” not “they’re actually just the same room with zero separation.”

On the surface, this appears to be your typical £3,250,000 11-bedroom Gothic manse.

Inside, the historic theme is well-respected.

Everything seems completely normal.

Then you go upstairs.

Whoa. I wonder what kind of operations they were running from in there? The listing describes this room as “A sizeable area of loft storage” that “has been transformed into an amazing space ship for the kids.” If that’s nothing more than a kids’ playroom, those are the luckiest kids in London.

I still wonder though… and what do you need two telescopes for? There seems to be a bit more to this home than meets the eye…