As long as you don’t need a bathroom, or a kitchen, or parking, this tiny beach retreat in Seattle is perfect!

From the description:

Dream come true, yours for the taking! LEVITATING LIGHTHOUSE is a treehouse built on the bluff. Breathtaking city, mountain & sound views- this property is one of a kind! Built by & featured on Treehouse Masters. The levitating lighthouse is your recreation retreat. Everything stays. Go crabbing & salmon fishing. Rainwater catchment purification system. In the city but far away. Home featured on Treehouse Masters and written about in several articles.

Of course, there is some fine print…

Financing not available.

So, cash-only for this waterfront shack.

Oh, there’s also the minor issue that the city of Seattle may may demand that the treehouse be demolished.

But the city has its own problem with the property: It turns out [Property owner Ronald] Rae and the show host who built it, King County resident and renowned treehouse builder Pete Nelson, never got permits to put up the treehouse, which sits east of where several Magnolia homes were destroyed in a landslide in 1996.

After Animal Planet’s episode aired in 2014, the city sued Rae, saying the structure was too elaborate to be considered a childlike treehouse typically exempt from the building code, and it was on a steep hill next to the water. He was ordered to pay a $10,000 fine and get the permits to bring the 280-square-foot treehouse properly up to code by the end of this March.

If he can’t pass the city’s inspections, he’ll have to demolish the treehouse, according to the city. Otherwise he faces a $100,000 fine.

That would be a shame. The article is from January, but I can’t find any more recent information about whether the city has approved the treehouse or not.

Animal Planet has a nice video of the building:

The Seattle TV station KING 5 also featured the treehouse:

From the listing:

Extreme Fire Damage From Fire 4/17/2013

Gotta love that they used what appears to be a photo of the home actually on fire as the primary photo.

Yup, looks like a total loss.

The price isn’t too bad for a lot in that area, so I guess it’s not surprising that the listing is pending.

Here’s an interesting and unique property currently on the market in Kirkland, WA (Seattle area). No idea what the point of this design was, other than just to be different.

I love this bit from the listing agent’s description:

One of a kind, unique home exemplifies ‘organic architecture’ of the 1970’s – a style reminiscent of a very famous architect of this style home.

Nice generic almost-reference.

So. Many. Triangles.

The lot looks pretty lush, but the home has apparently been somewhat neglected.

Inside we’ve got lots of exposed wood and big windows. It’s certainly a unique look.

Apparently the designer of this house was allergic to right angles.

I love this directly overhead view. Every listing should include one of these.

The only thing left inside the home is a single lonely piano.

Not a lot to say about this one. It’s a fairly normal 2.4 million dollar listing, but as I was scrolling through the photos—BAM—that deep purple sofa just jumped out of nowhere.

I also appreciate that they’ve included the directly-above shot that I love.

Nothing sells a home quite like a living room packed to the gills with dolls.

Bonus:

Gotta love the classic Pacific Northwest outdoor photos: “The ground is obviously covered in rain but we have photoshopped in a bright blue sky anyway.”

…and about as small as one, too.

It’s so small – “How small is it?” – you can’t even see it from the street.

No, not the white one. The one lurking behind all the foliage on the left. So much for “curb appeal.”

It’s so small, you can see 90% of the interior in this one photo:

It’s so small, that path around the bed is all there is to the bedroom.

It’s so small, you can see one end of the front room from the kitchen and the other through the far bedroom door. Here’s a better look:

And…. Tha, Tha, That’s All Folks!

Well, OK, there is an extra room.

But the house is so small, the extra room is all the way out back…

…in an even smaller building!

The only thing not in on the “How small is it?” contest is the price. Or it was. The property sold for $350,000. And there ain’t no button in the world that cute.

With a great playground just across the street…

A nicely refinished living/dining room…

And even a master bedroom with a fireplace…

And then… you discover… The Basement!   ~ Shriek! ~

What do you mean, it’s not the set of a Vincent Price movie? You mean it’s like this all the time?! AGGGH!!!

Nothing says “welcome home” quite like HDR mold, rot, and CAUTION tape.

I love how they cranked up the HDR so high that the dead brown grass looks like it’s glowing a bright yellow color.

The ridiculously overdone HDR amplifies every little defect, even in the least-terrible-looking room in the house.

Seriously, this place looks like some kind of Siberian prison.

List price on this 1,840 square foot rathole: Six hundred thousand dollars.

And it went pending after only nine days on the market.

Welcome to Seattle!

I mean, that’s a pretty good size building after all.

What, the price is for only part of the building? OK. Um, how much of it?

492 square feet? Wait… wait… you’re telling me you want a quarter of a million dollars for a… a… a shoe box?

That’s it? that’s all there is? For how much?!

And I thought $1,000 for a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes was extreme. At least there’s a commensurate shoe box to go with them in Seattle.

Given the lush natural surroundings, the owners of this home might almost be forgiven for trying to tone things down inside.

But then again, this is Mercer Island, Washington…

where winters can be long, dark, and dreary and many folks require a cheerfulness supplement to their daily routine.

But no. In this home, not even the entertainment room is entertaining.

Somehow, though, a vestige of humanity has managed to survive…

because at least they spared the children.

And in case it didn’t quite do the trick, you can always show an interior…

…then go back to the view.

Repeatedly…

And why not toss in an extra, beyond hi-def view, just for the heck of it?

with modern lines and materials both inside…

and outside.

But there is one teensy issue…

It not only sits next to an early 20th century craftsman style home, but in an entire sea of homes from the same era…

Yup, there’s nothing like undisguised indifference to your surroundings for securing a friendly introduction to your new neighbors. Good luck with that!

What really cracks me up about the primary listing photo for this home is that the agent took the time to photoshop in a blue sky (as evidenced by the glowing edges of the trees) but didn’t bother to do anything about the overwhelming expanse of brown, dead front lawn.

I mean, if you’re going to market your listing with deceptive photos, why not go all the way?

Same story in the back… hey wait a minute, that’s the same exact sky.

And from another angle? Yet again, the same sky.

More glowing trees.

Even the park a few blocks down the street has the same sky. Incredible!

I think the listing agent should have just stuck with the classic Czech Sky. At least then they would have fit in.

What the…

Historical structure was once the power house to 1900s saw mill.

Oh. So I guess they’re just leaving a giant busted saw blade lying around for “character.”

Cool, so what does the actual home look like?

Hmm.

Conversion to private residence partially complete – bring your architect and interior designer!

…and a few big sacks of cash. In addition to the million dollars you’ll be plunking down to buy the home building itself.

To be fair, it does have a cool, unique look to it, from the outside.

And look, it even comes with a smiling, waving family!

Wait, they’re not included in the price?

Oh well, at least it’s got a sweet lakefront setting.

That photo above is the primary listing photo, but I think we’re looking at the garage.

Here’s the main home:

Apparently the seller really likes green.

Like, a lot.

The listing photos for this home are just inexplicable.

That one is the primary listing photo.

How about we check out the view? Surely you can’t screw that up, right?

Wrong.

And yet, somehow this home went to pending status the day after it was listed.

Something smells fishy.

This relatively remote home an hour and a half north of Seattle is, according to the listing, “the historic 1910 Skiyou School House.”

Although the exterior has a unique look, the interiors look like any other normal home.

This is my favorite bit from the listing description:

Everything you want from a turn of the century home; original bell tower, fir floors, cloak rooms, vintage Monarch cook stove & enchanting character.

Yup, an “original bell tower” is definitely on the list of things that I want from a turn of the century home.

Unfortunately, it seems that the bell itself might not currently be properly installed.

Not many homes for sale come with a free used 1959 calendar. In fact I am willing to bed probably no other listing does.

Huh, this place looks more like some kind of general store than a house.

Oh. I see. I guess it used to be a general store. And in addition to the free calendar, you also get this lovely plaque in your yard encouraging random passers-by to gawk at your house.

Also, here. Have a map. No particular reason. I just like maps.

Sadly the listing has only the one photo, so we don’t get to see what this patriot’s home looks like inside.

However, we do get to see what the patriot selling this home looks like, thanks to a local news article published in 2008: Everett man’s face a portrait of patriotism

That’s not face paint.

That is a tattoo.

From the Everett Herald article:

He wants people to read the words inked into his skin and think about them, a walking testament to free speech. They are saturated with a love for his adopted country that he has carried for decades.

At Bloomfield’s house, it’s always the Fourth of July.

He grew up poor in an island hut on Tonga, where they see the sunrise before the rest of the world. He stowed away on a boat from American Samoa to California, and later got his green card in 1976.

He was drawn by stories of opportunity and images of money as abundant as suburban grass clippings.

But it takes hard work to live here, he says, and that’s a lesson he shares with his children and grandchildren. He spends his days cutting and packaging crab and salmon at a seafood warehouse.

He pumps iron every other day, his 58-year-old body a carefully maintained canvas filled with provocative words, phrases and pictures.

I wonder why he’s selling?

I do think they’re missing a golden opportunity here by not pricing this thing at $177,600.

No word in the listing description about whether the pensive llamas are included in the $5.6 million list price.

Or the awkwardly staring cows.

But hey, at least the farm animals are set up to play a quick game of pickup basketball whenever the urge strikes:

One thing that confuses me a bit. Is this place called “Lestralaur Ranch”?

Or is it “October Farm”?

Actually maybe it’s both… The description says that the “Property includes two distinct farmhouse compounds…”

That’s definitely not a sentence you’re likely to read in many other home listings.

Whatever its name, it’s tough to argue with the fact that this is a pretty amazing piece of property:

Note that this property is located on San Juan Island in Washington State. And that lake in the photo has its own island. Who doesn’t want to own an island on an island?

Again from the listing description:

500 acre San Juan Valley Ranch. Surrounded by pristine acreage in the San Juan Valley, views to False Bay and the Olympic Mtns, and the sparkling, privately owned 50 acre Zylstra Lake- this is a rare opportunity to own such a beautiful part of San Juan Island.

If anything, that seems like an understatement.

I can’t really put it any better than the reader who submitted it:

Looks like a grave site? And why is it sideways??

No idea.

It starts with crudely-corrected crooked exterior shots, and it just gets weirder when you go inside…

Nothing like a creepy over-the-top cat-themed bathroom to make you feel at home.

Also important to note: The doors do in fact go all the way to the floor. Well, this door, anyway.

Someone seems to have desaturated the kitchen.

Um, nice… heater… I guess.

You’re not looking at this home’s garage. You’re looking at the home.

Pretty sure that door in the middle is the front door.

Here’s the 720 square foot interior:

The good news? It’s a relative bargain at $148,500.

It’s very important to me to know what my house will look like to birds.

And 20-foot-tall giants.

Very, very important.

Also sometimes I need to see what the neighbors’ houses look like to birds, as well.

The rest of this house is just a nice, partially-updated 120-year-old home. But that bathroom… Whoa.

I actually saw this one in person at an open house, and these photos really do not do justice to the visual assault you experience when you walk into this bathroom.

It’s not just the ceiling and the furniture upholstery that matches…

Check out the tiles on the edge of the kitchen counter. That is dedication.

More dedication on display in the kitchen.

Not a fan of that pattern? How about this slightly different one? We’ve got it on the ceiling, chair, and drapes…

No? How about plaid?

Okay okay, one more try… You like pink, right?

Right?!?

With a primary photo like that it’s hard to imagine why this home hasn’t sold after 100 days on the market in one of the hottest real estate markets ever. Wait, no. No, it’s not hard to imagine.

Such natural colors inside.

Do not want to know what is making that bathroom glow so yellow like that.

I’ll buy that sweet tie-wearing, mustachioed beaver, though. Five bucks.

Who doesn’t need a CRT-TV embedded in the wall of their attic? I have to say, I’m also really digging the bold move to cover literally every square inch of non-window space in this room with what appears to be portions of the exact same tree.

Most of the rest of this $2.25 million home looks fairly normal, but that pool has certainly seen better days.

These sellers really like floral print wallpaper.

But they won’t be confined. They’ve got variety!

Check it out, this room even has two different floral prints on the same wall!

Upstairs they decided to eschew the floral print and just go with some bright floral colors.

Ever wonder what it would be like to live inside a rose? Wonder no more!

It seems that the sellers’ affinity for bright colors extends beyond decor choices and into their wardrobe as well. Check out all those neons in the closet.