As long as you don’t need a bathroom, or a kitchen, or parking, this tiny beach retreat in Seattle is perfect!

From the description:

Dream come true, yours for the taking! LEVITATING LIGHTHOUSE is a treehouse built on the bluff. Breathtaking city, mountain & sound views- this property is one of a kind! Built by & featured on Treehouse Masters. The levitating lighthouse is your recreation retreat. Everything stays. Go crabbing & salmon fishing. Rainwater catchment purification system. In the city but far away. Home featured on Treehouse Masters and written about in several articles.

Of course, there is some fine print…

Financing not available.

So, cash-only for this waterfront shack.

Oh, there’s also the minor issue that the city of Seattle may may demand that the treehouse be demolished.

But the city has its own problem with the property: It turns out [Property owner Ronald] Rae and the show host who built it, King County resident and renowned treehouse builder Pete Nelson, never got permits to put up the treehouse, which sits east of where several Magnolia homes were destroyed in a landslide in 1996.

After Animal Planet’s episode aired in 2014, the city sued Rae, saying the structure was too elaborate to be considered a childlike treehouse typically exempt from the building code, and it was on a steep hill next to the water. He was ordered to pay a $10,000 fine and get the permits to bring the 280-square-foot treehouse properly up to code by the end of this March.

If he can’t pass the city’s inspections, he’ll have to demolish the treehouse, according to the city. Otherwise he faces a $100,000 fine.

That would be a shame. The article is from January, but I can’t find any more recent information about whether the city has approved the treehouse or not.

Animal Planet has a nice video of the building:

The Seattle TV station KING 5 also featured the treehouse:

What the…

Historical structure was once the power house to 1900s saw mill.

Oh. So I guess they’re just leaving a giant busted saw blade lying around for “character.”

Cool, so what does the actual home look like?

Hmm.

Conversion to private residence partially complete – bring your architect and interior designer!

…and a few big sacks of cash. In addition to the million dollars you’ll be plunking down to buy the home building itself.

To be fair, it does have a cool, unique look to it, from the outside.

And look, it even comes with a smiling, waving family!

Wait, they’re not included in the price?

Oh well, at least it’s got a sweet lakefront setting.

No word in the listing description about whether the pensive llamas are included in the $5.6 million list price.

Or the awkwardly staring cows.

But hey, at least the farm animals are set up to play a quick game of pickup basketball whenever the urge strikes:

One thing that confuses me a bit. Is this place called “Lestralaur Ranch”?

Or is it “October Farm”?

Actually maybe it’s both… The description says that the “Property includes two distinct farmhouse compounds…”

That’s definitely not a sentence you’re likely to read in many other home listings.

Whatever its name, it’s tough to argue with the fact that this is a pretty amazing piece of property:

Note that this property is located on San Juan Island in Washington State. And that lake in the photo has its own island. Who doesn’t want to own an island on an island?

Again from the listing description:

500 acre San Juan Valley Ranch. Surrounded by pristine acreage in the San Juan Valley, views to False Bay and the Olympic Mtns, and the sparkling, privately owned 50 acre Zylstra Lake- this is a rare opportunity to own such a beautiful part of San Juan Island.

If anything, that seems like an understatement.

Water… check.

Wood… check.

Stone… check.

Window treatments… not so much.

Just remember, as much as you can see out, others can see in.

There isn’t really anything all that amusing about the photos on this one, but the listing description is hall of fame material:

You’re on the beach. The Amalfi Coast, say . .. The sun glints off the waves as Bougainvillea rustles in the breeze, turning the stucco every color from purple to gold. A sound makes you turn to see a pelican not 20 feet away . .. followed by a flock of 12, floating in a perfect V. Gratitude washes over you as you wonder how life could possibly get any better. Well . .. What if your seaside paradise was right here in Malibu? On a deep, dry beach, on a private road off PCH, with enormous wraparound decks, a breath-taking oceanfront master suite, a great room with chef-designed kitchen and a Club Room where you can screen movies or host a wine tasting from your 500 bottle wine cellar. All of this, plus multiple fireplaces, an exterior kitchen, your very own orange grove and views . .. from Palos Verdes to Point Dume. You’ve been promising yourself a reward and this is it. New construction from Jaman Properties: “The Sandcastle”

The sellers of this $3.5 million South Florida pad are really proud of their lion fountains.

I mean really proud.

Just look at them.

Gaze upon their majesty.

Also, if you visit this home, prepare to be ambushed by herons as soon as you walk through the door. Just because.

Lots of interesting sculpture in this one. Starting with the yard full of metal animals…

…continuing on the deck with the arms-up ladies.

Another arms-up lady.

Pretty sure that’s a third separate arms-up lady. Sort of an odd art obsession.

You literally can’t get more waterfront than this—360 degrees of waterfront, located just 1 hour from London!

From the listing description:

Number 1, The Thames, otherwise known as Grain Tower Battery, was built around 1855. … The property is of course in need of complete renovation but could be transformed into almost anything (STPP) – a private residence, an off shore hotel, a houseboat community, outdoor pursuit centre, film location, nightclub, casino to name a few!

And in case you’re having a hard time imagining some of those possibilities, they’ve included some helpful renderings:

Personally I’d go for the classy, see-through pub:

More from the listing:

Planted on a spit of land on the Isle of Grain, it can only be reached at low tide. The bomb-proof 150 year-old estuary gun emplacement is a kilometre off the Isle of Grain shore at the strategically important point where the Thames meets the Medway. The original tower is similar in design to the Martello towers which were first constructed as a defence against Napoleon in the early 19th Century.

So… parking might be a slight issue, but you’re set for home security.

This very unique property can be yours for just £500,000 (about $830,000)!

Personally, I probably would have gone all-in and just led off the entire photo set with the Cap’n, but instead, the listing agent decided to lead with this:

They’re… um… really proud of their stair railing, I guess?

Photo #2 in the set:

Because giant white arrows are always the best way to say “this $1.5 million home is super classy.”

Later on in the photo set we get the stair railing and the Cap’n. Double win!

A little tasteful HDR can make for some good-looking listing photos.

Unfortunately, the HDR applied to the photos of this listing is neither “a little” nor “tasteful.”

This would be a truly terrifying reality to live in.

The exterior shots are the least-terrifying of the set, but even those have an almost cartoon-like feel to them.

If I were the seller of this $1.2 million home, I would fire the listing agent and the photographer immediately. These photos are a bad joke.