This is a lovely mid-century modern home that looks to have been expertly updated, but some of what the listing agent chose to feature in their set of 64 photos is a little… odd. Does the Pottery-Barn-esque canvas laundry basket come with the listing? Why is it featured so prominently?

Okay, cool…I guess this photo is trying to show us that if you buy this house you can sit with pillows and browse a picture book? Cool, I guess…

Twigs in a vase. That’s it, I’m sold. I need this house.

There are photos of two other angles of this tub and shower in the listing so obviously this shot is just here to let us know that if we want to set a tray on the tub, we can. Good to know.

Beds: Also good for reading! Hang on though, I don’t think we’ve seen enough of that bed just yet. I wish there were another shot almost just like this one, but with the pillows in-focus.

Ah, there we go. Much better.

Rawr.

It’s all in the details.

Behold! This home has a ceiling!

I have to know though: Do all the rad portrait paintings and the giant green table and chair set come with the $17 million price tag? Because if not, just forget it.

Here’s one of 7 almost identical photos of the house.

With all those multiples, a descriptive list will work here.

There are… multiple Persian carpets (too many to count), as well as at least 2 medieval style tapestries; 8 (or possibly 9) fireplaces; at least 4 athletic facilities, including both indoor and outdoor pools and the obligatory regulation indoor tennis court (with added basketball capability); several dramatic staircases, one of which overlooks the tennis court (Pic 49); a plethora of terraces, covered porches, and balconies; 2 inglenooks (Pics 15 &24) plus one quasi-inglenook (Pic 26), all boldly colored; and enough storage space for you and several dozen of your closest friends to ride out the zombie apocalypse in comfort.

So what is there only one of?

To start with, a ceiling fresco, but with multiple cupids, of course.

Your own private village square with dog, but with multiple shopfronts garages, of course.

A purple home office with a sole, purple folk art rooster, but with multiple mystery appliances, of course. (Seriously, what are those things?)

One swimming pool rock waterfall, but with multiple rocks, of course. Although… there is only one “speaker” rock (lower left foreground).

And finally, one lone giraffe, but with multiple spots, of course.

Oh, and there are multiple plants throughout the house for Mr. Giraffe’s foraging pleasure. Of course.

[Special thanks to Marty for locating this 12 minute walk-through video. Turns out there are indeed 9 fireplaces and the mystery appliances are washers and dryers.]

That’s certainly an interesting piece of sculpture, and it appears a lot in this photo set. It seems odd that the listing photos would focus so much on a piece of art when the home itself is… well, have a look for yourself:

Apparently burritos are good business.

Never before on the market, this exceptional contemporary home was originally built for Steve Ells, founder of Chipotle.

Not surprisingly for someone in the restaurant business, this place has one of the nicest kitchens I’ve ever seen.

Here’s the other side of the kitchen, and a conspicuous shot of that sculpture again:

And of course what rich person’s modern home listing would be complete without the obligatory shot of the pristine garage with their sexy luxury cars?

Okay, back to the sculpture again.

Also: I hear some of you on this site like… stairs?

All right, let’s close it up with yet another shot of that sculpture.

There are lots more great photos on the virtual tour. Just beware, that link auto-plays a dumb video by default. Click “Photos->All” on the upper-left to stop the music and get to the pictures.

Seems like with all the negative press around the “rebel flag” these days, you might not want to feature it prominently in the listing photos for your home. I guess things might be different when the home you’re selling is in Nashville, Tennessee.

The home itself has some nice detail work…

But it also has some oddly modern-looking spaces:

And some confusing ones:

And some spaces that look back at you:

Asking price for all this: $16.3 million.

At 22,000 square feet and over five acres, it’s quite the estate. Of course, if you buy it you have to live in Nashville, so there is that.

I guess when you can afford a $16.5 million condo, you don’t have to care what anyone thinks of you or your taste in “art.”

Nothing says “I am super classy” like plastering the walls with scantily-clad ladies.

In nearly every room.

Blech.

This home has it all! Something for everyone. The “art” lover…

The garden lover…

The high-energy kids…

The high energy adults…

…wait a minute, is that a stripper pole in the workout room?

Anyway, moving on…

It’s got a castle for the little princess…

…and a sweet arcade room for the gamers.

Of course, for $34.5 million dollars, it had better have something for everyone. With nine bedrooms, seventeen bathrooms, and 14,563 square feet there should be space to fit pretty much anything you can imagine.

The Upper East Side of NYC is a rarefied atmosphere, the proverbial lap of luxury. With the Guggenheim next door and the Metropolitan Museum of Art just down the street, it’s one classy neighborhood, underscored by the $23.5M price tag on this single floor co-op. With that sort of clout a bit eccentricity is to be expected with, say, the choice of decor palette…

…or the scale and number of large patterns. Or both. This “interesting” color-pattern combo continues in the bedrooms.

Oh. My… Well, at least it can’t get any worse. Probably.

OK, I was wrong. Take all of the above and add… sage-green striped bedspreads? And a trellis patterned carpeting with… a turquoise background?

I’d ask someone to pass the Pepto Bismol, but I think they used it all on the ceilings.

If you hadn’t guessed already, you finally, truly know it’s bad when this hallway is actually a relief.

Horizontal bead-board isn’t usually associated with luxury, let alone painted turquoise, but at least it’s (somewhat) better than this chair with extremely odd upholstery…

I… uh… what?

If there were such a thing as a Crime Against Prime Real Estate this place would be guilty of multiple counts.

But wait… there’s more! According to Sotheby’s International Realty, the approximately 37 acre retreat in Southern France includes:

…an entire ‘hameau’, a private, small Provençal village comprising more than a dozen buildings, including a main house, several guest cottages, a bar & restaurant, a workshop/garage, a staff house and much more.

While the listing says there’s a chapel, this site says it’s been converted into guest quarters. Hopefully, that could explain the presence of a bed, a bathtub, and… a confessional(?!) in the same room. “Paging Dr. Freud!”

Whatevs! What’s totally cool is that Johnny himself ~swoon~ decorated all the buildings in the whole village, which explains this awesome room, including the Alas-Poor-Yorick prop(?) on the side table.

But the BEST EVER part? OMG I can’t believe it… some of Johnny’s personal belongings are INCLUDED IN THE SALE!!!

~THUD~ (Faint…)

You’re looking at the interior of a 117-year-old, six thousand square foot home in Bronxville, New York listed at four million dollars.

Note: If this page was slow to load for you, it’s because the photos for this one are huge. You might want to right-click on each picture and open in a new tab or new window to fully appreciate them.

Here’s the exterior:

Inside again…

For once, the listing agent gives us some back story to explain the eclectic decor:

Two very different artists live in this house; one does caricatures and collects historically significant bronze animal sculptures, the other creates wildly colorful installations, sculptures and paintings, which are spread all over the interior…walls, floors, cabinets and ceilings. Their South African heritage, together with items brought back from travels to India, Mexico, Ethiopia, Mali, Burkina Faso and Morocco blend into eclectic, international interiors.

That is actually pretty delightful.

Some of the rooms are relatively subdued…

Others, not so much…

I thought the shot below was on the “subdued” list…

…then I saw the taxidermied cat and the stuffed cat flanking the door.

I think those giant clutching hands are actually painted directly on the wall.

The decor definitely isn’t my thing, but the house itself sure is neat.

Privacy is also hard to come by when you have lots of guests who’ll share a meal with you in the lodge-sized kitchen/dining combo.

Or the ones who won’t be able to keep quiet after lounging on the observation bench… in front of your spa tub.

Any guest who wins his or her handball match would likewise be tempted to spill the beans.

Oh, geeze… so there’s at least nine more guys who no doubt will blab about your full-sized basketball court.

And your batting cages…

But the absolute deal breaker for keeping your location a secret is to advertise that you have…

…your own baseball diamond. With night game capability. Makes finding you a total snap. BTW, the home is on West Patrick Lane, about 2 miles due west of McCarran International Airport and right next to the Korean Catholic Church that fronts on South Jones Blvd.

[Note from Marty: The full address was fairly easy to find. It’s 5990 W Patrick Lane, Las Vegas, NV 89118]

Lead suitably impressed guests into your Untouchably chic speakeasy.

Play at being Cinderella (your choice of dozens of adaptations), fleeing down the castle staircase to evade the lovelorn prince.

Recreate training scenes from Rocky II, III, IV, or V (but not the first one because, hey, he was still poor).

Do what Ferris Bueller would’ve done if he’d really stayed home sick.

Ascend into the heavens (or your neighbor’s yard) via your personal glass Wonkavator. (Um, yeah… the Wonkavator moves sideways, too.)

When you’re ready to come back to earth, you can ground and center (or just take a nap) in your meditation chamber. But watch out that stray sparks don’t catch your hair on fire… Remember, the point is to play at being dramatic, not actually, you know, be dramatic!

Just 22 minutes from downtown Portland, this $7.2 million manse has pretty much everything…

Outside, it’s all castle. Inside…

…it’s also castle.

Except when it’s desert oasis.

Or Arabic domes.

Or giant… ceiling… compass?

Okay, back to castle.

Nope, just kidding. Time for a modern theater.

Or how about this rainbow workout room?

Okay let’s close on the castle watchtower.

It’s certainly nice, but you’d think they would be able to decide on just one style.

blacksmiths, including one of a kind leaded windows with beveled glass panes…

plasterers…

and bricklayers (or brick-levitators, as the case may be)…

not to mention the ubiquitous fine art and furnishings on display in every room, as well as this unique fireplace.

The looniest thing about this Looney Listing is that those who designed and built the home, as the saying goes, chose wisely. And that’s pretty darn rare.

A grand formal entry.

A power office as a backdrop for your redneck dream painting of a semi.

A killer rec-room with classic popcorn, Coke, and slot machines.

And the coolest thing money can buy…  Water.You.Can.Light.On.Fire!!!

In the (literal) man cave…

Behind a waterfall…

Even in the appropriately named hot tub…

Ahhh… Water, water everywhere, and every drop can burn!

Behold, the heart of Rome! See both the ancient Senate House and the 19th century Unification Memorial from your very own premiere penthouse!

Walk the halls…

Ascend in style…

…to enjoy decadent dining in marble-clad luxury.

After dinner, enjoy a sumptuous bath…

…before retiring for some much needed, er, rest… yes, that’s it. Rest.

Yup, that’s the primary photo for this “Completely restored Victorian Mansion in prime Mid-Town” Detroit, listed at $2.5 million. The really odd thing is that they have a decent exterior photo, but for some reason they buried it down at #49 of 58 photos.

Some of the other photo choices are interesting, as well.

Who wants to spend $2.5 million on a mansion just to have a bunch of people in apartments staring into your party yard all day?

Also, I’m not sure that “a view of Ford Field and Comerica Park” is really on the list of features that mansion-shoppers are looking for.

They do have some sweet stairs though, so there is that.

Nothing like a simulated pair of drowning horses to get you in the worshipful mood.

There’s a lot more than the chapel to this property…

A LOT more.

This majestic northwest lodge sports over 21,000 square feet and sits on over 160 acres.

And whoa. That view.

I don’t have $19 million, but if I did, dang would I be tempted.

No idea what’s with the random turtle shot in the middle of this £2.75 ($4.36) million listing.

This UK manse was apparently owned by British star Kate Bush from 1985 to 2003, and is named after her debut single.

That’s an… interesting floor.

Okay let’s be clear here. This is a freakin’ mansion.

With a list price over $6 million.

The photo selection is a bit odd, though.

Obviously the agent is really proud of all the detail work.

I mean really proud.

Oh, and the view.

Also: guess who got their hands on a “drone” and engaged in some illegal commercial activities with it?

If you guessed “the listing agent and/or photographer of this home,” you win!

Sure, okay. Why not?

In addition to… that… The seller also appears to have somewhat of a basket fetish:

So many baskets. I mean, not as many as this home from February, but still quite a few.

This home is basically the opposite of subtle.

This see-through concrete box in the Arizona desert has been off and on the market for over five years.

Number one reason it’s not selling? Well, based on the strategy on display, either the listing agent or the seller think the biggest problem is that it’s priced too low.

In March of last year when this home was featured on Curbed the list price was $4.6 million. In November of last year it was hiked up to $5.6 million. Last month it shot up to $7 million.

Maybe people just aren’t that into living in a concrete box in the desert?

Also: what is this photo even of?

Anyway, it’s pretty to look at I guess, but $7 million? Hmm… maybe try… dropping the price instead of raising it? Just a thought.

There is so much one could say about this house, but let’s start with that sculpture above. Body of a lion, plus wings, plus the head of a lady. Oooooo-kay.

Conversation overheard between the owner and someone at a party:

“How big is your home?”
“A little over half an acre.”
“No, I mean your house, not the lot.”
“I know.”

Looks like the “half a baby elephant” table also has matching mini-tables. How delightful.

Also: It turns out the owner of this home likes lions.

I mean, a lot.

You can never have too many lions.

Lions, lions, everywhere.

Additional photos can be found on the “virtual tour.”

We could literally fill these pages with nothing but absurd over-the-top Florida estates, but I’m going to my best to abstain from them for a while.

That is one seriously column-tacular living room.

And the marble excess isn’t limited to the columns…

Good to know that faucet works.

Okay, back to the columns.

Oh, and a lion fountain.

Apparently wealthy Floridians really love their lion fountains.

The sellers of this $3.5 million South Florida pad are really proud of their lion fountains.

I mean really proud.

Just look at them.

Gaze upon their majesty.

Also, if you visit this home, prepare to be ambushed by herons as soon as you walk through the door. Just because.

And here we have the lovely enclosed patio, where you can relax, enjoy good company, and maybe hang someone in effigy from the ceiling. You know, whatever you’re into.

If only those happy kids on the bench knew what kind of stuff was going on inside, they would run. You know, if they weren’t made of bronze, that is.

Hey it’s a books butler.

I could do without the effigy and the other odd statues, but I’d be happy to take the Corvette…

Lots of extra photos on the “virtual tour”.

What’s with the cameras up on the roof? This bit from the listing description explains:

Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens…

Because it’s not like you could just, you know, actually go up on the roof.

Er… wait.

This crazy room powers your ability to watch your home’s own view on TV, and so much more:

…the server room that houses the technology that sets this house apart from ANYTHING you’ve EVER seen. Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens, or gather to watch the Big Game! If you’d rather watch sunset in Alaska, select it from the media options, with 100’s to choose from!

And they fit all this in such a tiny package!

Haha no. This is the actual behemoth:

Here’s the full listing description, for posterity:

Tampa Bay’s best kept secret! This unbelievable custom built and furnished home is the pinnacle of luxury, perfect for entertaining, working, or relaxing in style, with absolutely no expense spared in every detail. This state-of-the-art property has many lavish upgrades including a chef’s kitchen with Sub zero and Miele appliances, gas range, warming drawers, discrete lighting- all set the perfect mood. Built on 5 levels, and to commercial standards, the ground floor is all garage- bring your car collection! The 2nd floor is a huge open floor with foyer, for you to create the space you crave, with possibilities for home or business. The third floor is 4 master suites, den, and the server room that houses the technology that sets this house apart from ANYTHING you’ve EVER seen. Enjoy the views captured by rooftop cameras on the media screens, or gather to watch the Big Game! If you’d rather watch sunset in Alaska, select it from the media options, with 100’s to choose from! Floor four is the living space, with separate office, kitchen, dining area and living rooms. Head to the rooftop terrace to enjoy views of Tampa Bay. The terrace is prebuilt ready for an outdoor kitchen, hot tub, seating, and serving areas- perfect for entertaining at sunset. Want more space? The owner also owns the house next door, and can include that in this sale, giving you many additional options for development. See the virtual tour, and schedule your personal tour today.

Said virtual tour is still online, as well.

Ever wonder what Collinwood Mansion would look like if it were sited in the, er, shadow… of LA?

Take a look…

Of course the mirrored backdrop behind the bathtub will have to go…

Added bonus: the neighborhood is only 10 short miles south of San Dimas, home to those other famous movie oddballs, Bill and Ted. Party On, Dudes!

The owner who built this home in 2003 has been trying to unload it since 2010, with no success. According to the listing agent’s website, although it was “previously priced at $6,500,000,” potential buyers can now “name your price.”

I’m docking points for the need to walk on the bowling lane to use the arcade games shown above.

Only one slide into the indoor pool? Sorry, that’s going to knock down my bid a little further.

Gee, that full-sized basketball court sure does have a lot of blue. I’m more partial to red. Going to have to repaint. Guess I’ll have to reduce my bit even more.

Folding chairs at the poker table? Yikes.

Okay, final bid: Five hundred bucks. Take it or leave it.

If you plan to outbid me, sealed bids are due by November 4, 2014 at 3:00 PM.

Do you ever get the feeling that some listings are less about selling the house…

…and more about showing off the owner’s cool toys and goodies?

I mean, those are cool pillows and all, but do we really need nearly 200 photos to adequately convey this home’s qualities?

Anyway I’m going to go down to the wine cellar (appreciating my awesome door handles on the way down)…

…grab a drink…

..and go relax in the pool.

Later!