You Can Do It, We Can Help

24321 Dry Canyon Cold Creek Rd., Calabasas, CA 91302

That’s a lot of orange Home Depot buckets.

24321 Dry Canyon Cold Creek Rd., Calabasas, CA 91302

Unfortunately, it looks like they couldn’t do it, even with Home Depot’s help.

24321 Dry Canyon Cold Creek Rd., Calabasas, CA 91302

Seriously… Yikes.

24321 Dry Canyon Cold Creek Rd., Calabasas, CA 91302

Are those birdhouses?

About the Author

Marty E.

Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

8 Comments on "You Can Do It, We Can Help"

  1. Well that’s probably going to have to be demolished – for structural damage, contamination, or both – so the asking price is beyond ballsy.

    It looks like an abandoned indoor hydroponics operation. At least, that’s the only thing I can figure for the waterproof draping and big plastic trays up on buckets. The “birdhouses” look like components marketed to grow *ahem* tomatoes and winter vegetables; note how neatly they fit the dents in the trays…

    That much heat and moisture can damage a structure, but given that the realtor says it’s unsafe and the septic is kaput, better find out whether they were doing any noxious processing that would complicate matters. It could cost more to get rid of the dump than you paid for it – which would leave you with one heck of an expensive hole in the ground.

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  2. At least the seller is being honest “The property is severely run down and is in need of a major rehab. Septic tank is non operational. The premises is not safe for entry.”

    Lets see if I can do it better:

    If you are living in here you are nearing your doom
    Hydroponics gone and plants no longer bloom
    No power on the point, perched above grass cradled bluffs, orange clay sands
    Rotting in the soulful infinity of the sun’s warm hands.

    All around Herons, Gulls and Egrets seek the sky.
    Scrappy untended trees offer branches and watch them fly.
    Buyers aren’t jumping, voluntary sigh.

    Perfect.

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  3. @Samme: Brava, Samme! Accurate *and* evocotive. And you’re right – honesty is the one ammenity this listing has.

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  4. How sad can you get? Not very far from Bel Air, Thousand Oaks, and Simi Valley, nestled in the hills near the end of a dead end street… You’d think this would be Paradise. Instead, it’s the house that’s a dead end. I have to wonder which looks worse – the house or the druggies Anodean describes having likely lived/worked here. What I can’t figure is, if this place is unsafe to enter and has no working waste disposal system, why hasn’t it been condemned and demolished? I thought California was uber strict about things like that. Even in an unincorporated area “unsafe” usually merits county attention, especially being somewhat near to definitely incorporated areas. Very odd. Very sad. And very, very scary. :(

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  5. @Emerald63: Top it off, the listing photos bear the diagonal banner “Short Sale.” This would imply that it was a renter, not the owner, who trashed the place, adding yet another cow-pie of misfortune to Samme’s masterfully poetic imagery. :D

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  6. The poem is less than half mine. I stole it from the Egrets seek the sky listing. It does make me wonder though how much of the damage is superficial and how much is structural.

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  7. @Samme: I recognized parts of the poem as coming from an earlier post here, but I couldn’t think which one. And, being on the road, I’m limited in computer time, not the least reason being I have only so much patience for working on a computer that I’m not used to. Switching from Apple to Windows also means I’ve put quite a few holes in the computer room wall… with my head. (O_o)

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  8. @Samme: That was amazing. A+, would read again.

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