“You’re on the beach.”

27212 Escondido Beach Rd., Malibu, CA 90265

There isn’t really anything all that amusing about the photos on this one, but the listing description is hall of fame material:

You’re on the beach. The Amalfi Coast, say . .. The sun glints off the waves as Bougainvillea rustles in the breeze, turning the stucco every color from purple to gold. A sound makes you turn to see a pelican not 20 feet away . .. followed by a flock of 12, floating in a perfect V. Gratitude washes over you as you wonder how life could possibly get any better. Well . .. What if your seaside paradise was right here in Malibu? On a deep, dry beach, on a private road off PCH, with enormous wraparound decks, a breath-taking oceanfront master suite, a great room with chef-designed kitchen and a Club Room where you can screen movies or host a wine tasting from your 500 bottle wine cellar. All of this, plus multiple fireplaces, an exterior kitchen, your very own orange grove and views . .. from Palos Verdes to Point Dume. You’ve been promising yourself a reward and this is it. New construction from Jaman Properties: “The Sandcastle”

27212 Escondido Beach Rd., Malibu, CA 90265

Found by: Christin C.

About the Author

Marty E.
Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

5 Comments on "“You’re on the beach.”"

  1. Did they forget to make the beds or did they throw those faux furs on there on purpose?

  2. Over $10.6M and the first photo is chock full of unironed slipcovers? California. Go figure.

    Frodo, I think the faux furs are also part and parcel with the “casual chic elegance” image, although, c’mon… there’s nothing just dashed together about any home directly on the water in this beach enclave. Not with 5 “Private” signs at just the one street view location, from July, 2012. Despite it saying the house was built in 1946 and renovated in 1950, I’m pretty sure this is entirely new construction because there’s nothing but sand and some privately entréed locals in the street view.

    I am not at all OK with the rich monopolizing what should be a natural amenity available to all citizens (so long as their presence isn’t destructive), but yeah… that sales pitch might just sucker me in. Someone got an ‘A’ in creative writing class. Oh, and I like the headless sheep in Pic 17. :D

  3. @Emerald63: “I’m pretty sure this is entirely new construction…”

    Considering the last bit of the description there says “New construction from Jaman Properties,” I think you’re right. :)

  4. “Don’t get eaten by a Grue”.
    You have to admit the second person copy is reminiscent of a certain text adventure game.

  5. @Marty E.: D’OH!!! :D


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