Full Spectrum Retina-Burning Decor

1163 Wilde Dr., Celebration, FL 34747

List price: just above a million bucks.

1163 Wilde Dr., Celebration, FL 34747

If the buyer isn’t blind though, they’re probably going to have to budget a bit extra to tone this place down a notch.

1163 Wilde Dr., Celebration, FL 34747

Make that five or six notches.

1163 Wilde Dr., Celebration, FL 34747

The best part about this listing is how every room seems to have a dramatically different style.

1163 Wilde Dr., Celebration, FL 34747

And yet they’re all hideous.

Found by: Patty M.

About the Author

Marty E.
Naked Loon Editor-in-Chief

13 Comments on "Full Spectrum Retina-Burning Decor"

  1. Emerald63 | June 25, 2014 at 6:51 PM |

    Worst reaction – when Pic 3 came up I felt I was going to lose my lunch. Like Pic 2 wasn’t enough, with the zebra striped marble to match the zebra striped carpet. But in Pic 3 you can see what’s lurking behind the breakfast bar – the Medieval torture device bar stools and the ridiculous, over-scaled, fake lace wallpaper, accompanied later on by the ridiculous, over-scaled, death-by-curly-q picture frames and chandeliers. I absolutely believe the leopard print bedroom and its bath (Pics 11 & 14) are proof that this place was the decorating love child of Dolores Umbridge and Austin Powers. (O_o)

    Of course… it is in Celebration, Florida, which pretty much explains it. Celebration is a “planned community” started by… the Disney people. It’s no coincidence being there is like living 24/7/365 on Main Street, USA, because that was the whole point. There’s an article at Wikipedia about it (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebration,_Florida). Here’s the most pertinent commentary:

    “Response to Celebration has ranged from an early visitor who said it resembled the too-perfect town of ‘The Stepford Wives,’ to those who see Celebration as an example of new urbanism with its safe, walkable community.”

    Safe and walkable but utterly staged. Except for this… http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/09/10/murder-in-celebration-florida-the-victim-s-secret-life.html. “Lurid” doesn’t begin to cover it. But that’s the sort of thing that crawls up out of the woodwork when you try to manufacture peoples’ lives.

    Communities, especially successful ones, start with people, not plans, although good plans, including physical design, can markedly enhance peoples’ experience of their living space. (Full disclosure, I have a Masters in Urban Design.) But in Celebration’s case there was no original context from which an organic outgrowth of communal living space could take place. To put it colloquially, there was no there there with which to work: everything came forth from the minds of designers first, rather than residents. Despite the hodge-podge of architectural styles, the feeling isn’t organic, it’s piecemeal fakery.

    An image search provides more pics that prove it’s not just this house, but the whole town, that has a fever on its brain.

  2. And yet it looks so normal on the outside. Who would think that it looks like such a hot mess on the inside.

  3. Emerald63 | June 26, 2014 at 1:16 PM |

    @Frodo: Come to think of it, perhaps the enforced “normality” on the outside is why these owners (and likely many others) have had a decorative psychotic break. Darn it, Frodo, now I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

  4. Audrey Hepburn didn’t deserve that….

  5. Rivergirl | June 26, 2014 at 6:17 PM |

    Not being a Stephen King fan, the town that came to my mind was the village in Patrick McGoohan’s, The Prisoner.

  6. Emerald63 | June 26, 2014 at 9:14 PM |

    @K: I’m afraid I don’t understand, K. What is it that she did not deserve?

  7. Emerald63 | June 26, 2014 at 9:15 PM |

    @Rivergirl: If you’re referring to “The Stepford Wives,” that was by Ira Levin. He also wrote “Rosemary’s Baby.” I’ve heard of “The Prisoner” but haven’t watched it. I’ll check with my husband, though. He’s familiar with a lot more older shows than I am.

  8. @Emerald63: I don’t feel sorry for them at all, Em. They could live anywhere they want.

  9. From Emerald’s discussion, I visualize the guys who planned the place pitching it to the ghost of Walt Disney, saying, “Best thing of all, Walt, is people will actually pay us to come work here as 24/7 extras! Really! And after a couple decades of ticket price increases at the park, they’ll actually think they’re putting one over on us!”

  10. Oh dear howdy, now I’m visualizing the citizens of Celebration gathering to sing the “Monorail!” song from the Simpsons…

  11. Rivergirl | June 27, 2014 at 8:40 AM |

    @Emerald63: I knew that, really. My mind just automatically latches onto King when New England horror comes up.

  12. Emerald63 | June 27, 2014 at 1:42 PM |

    @Frodo: I did say “almost”….

  13. Emerald63 | June 27, 2014 at 1:44 PM |

    @Rivergirl: LOL! At least there are no evil clowns in Celebration. I hope…. =:O


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